untitled v

i have that kind of attitude. i've higher expectation on myself. most of the time, i give my all on something. eventhough it didn't look like it also.

actually i've gotten my soca result just now. yes, it wasn't excellent but yet not bad. it was 78. and after all, i should be grateful of what i've gotten. yet i come into that room, with a broad feeling, and hearing the comments from dr bony and dr fifi, i realise that i am far from my target. and my eyes start to tear up. there was that kind of feeling when i thought so much 'did i fail?'. it was such a long comments.

"nadwa, i'll believe you read many things but you have to learn to prioritize things. moreover, you only have 20 minutes after all. you couldn't fit 20 minutes with every knowledge u''ve learn to tell us in this short time.."
-dr bony-

that was one i remember so much. return home, i was confused and yet grateful, but still my eyes were teary. i walk alone, make 2 to 3 times wrong turn, with tears flowing. i don't even know why. it wasn't like i'm not grateful, i'm just put things back on place where it should be. and i was as fragile as glass. because i've this kind of habit, in which when i'm giving my best and my all, and i didn't accomplish what i've expected, or wished, or hope, not that i'm not grateful, my heart can easily mended.

i laughed just now. knowing i was taking soca as the end of the world matter. it wasn't the same feeling as when i get B's on soca before. because during that time, i've reach my limit. it is absolutely different feeling when i've fail crp before. at that time it fires me up to work even harder in crp.

and then when i was just sitting and do nothing, i felt something touch my litttle heart. it was like wind, calm but powerful enough, it makes me realise how stupid i was to have that kind of thought, that kind of sadness.i am watching something in just one point of view, so i'm missing the big picture.

yes, i'm missing the big picture. astaghfirullahaladzim. :(

indeed

i am truely grateful this didn't last long.oh Allah, i am truely grateful for each and everything u've given for i knew it is the best for me. i might not known the hikmah now, but i believe i will later. oh Allah, pls continue pouring your unconditional everlasting love to us, just like before, forever, in dunya and hereafter. oh Allah please forgive me for this irrational mind, i am shameful enough to have this thought. astaghfirullahalzim. oh Allah thank you for putting my heart back together and make me realize the beauty of patience. oh Allah, i'm grateful for everything.alhamdulillah. :').

'...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.' (Surah Baqarah: 216)