selamat pagi sayangku
apa khabar dirimu?

one

and all my friends have come to find

another place to let their hearts collide

just promise me, you'll always be a friend

cause you're the only one.

we'll be strangers if we see this through.

like right now.

like how it is right now.

ed sheeran, one.

maryam anak syurga

a woman 2 years younger than me
yet way wiser than i am
thus
how would i justify my deed
and how would i provide defenses, if any
in front of Him
on that day?

maryam anak syurga

randomness

don't know when it started
but being able to see you
give me sense of happiness

photograph: by ed.

how can this be so beautiful?

we keep this love in a photograph 

we made this memories for ourselves 

where eyes are never closing 

our hearts are never broken

our time's forever frozen

 still.

cinta.

bismillah. semoga tulisan ini tidak menjadi fitnah kepadaku kelak.

dramatik sungguh tajuk post ni kan? ok hambar.

tadi aku pergi tesco dgan member.

sebelum pergi tu act perut mmg memulas2. diarrhea la kan. sebelum pegi ak ingt da abis.

rupenye2 belum. so sesampainye di tesco, 2-3 kali jugak aku meluangkan masa di tandas.

tp hampa. abdominal cramping but nothing out. surprise.

the thing is aku sgt kejar masa wktu tu. sbb ak kene beli keperluan camping for final year ppd camp which akan bermula at 2pm and by that time da 12.30. tolak mase ak spent kat dlm toilet lg.

lalu aku pun berdoa. senjata umat islam kan doa. free je dan mujarab.

lebih kurg mcm ni la bunyi doa aku 'Ya Allah sakit cirit birit ni kalau biar dalam badan makin poisoning. oleh itu ya Allah, kau tangguhkanlah sakit ni smpai ak habis beli barang keperluan camping. amin,"

bismillahi tawakkaltu alAllah.

dah subhanallah. sakit itu hilang on the spot.Allahurabbi ak pon meneruskan aktiviti shoping mcm biase smp setel. syukur, siap boleh lunch lagi.

then waktu luncheon tu aku bgtau member aku smbil tersenyum.

"tadi aku ckp dgn Allah.."

"hah?" -

"tadi aku ckp dgn Allah..mintak dgn Allah. mintak cinta aku tangguhkan dulu sakit perut ni smp aku habis beli brg camping. 

"baguslah. hehe." member aku sengih je

habis je ktorg luncheon, lagi bbrp langkah nak balik, sakit perut memulas tu dtg balik. heavy pye sakit. ak tau ak mmg kene berlari ke tandas. smp tandas alhamdulillah. Allah permudahkan. Cinta aku bg segala poison tu senang je kluar smoothly melalui saluran pencernaan aku. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah.

setel je aku terus jpe mmber aku. smbil sengih aku ckap dlm gurauan..

"tadi aku doa tak habis, ak mintak kat Allah supaya tangguhkan sakit perut ni smp ak habis beli barang.. sepatutnye aku mintak supaya sakit perut ni setel kite smpai ktdi sana nuu.."

member aku senyum je.. nak balas ape lg kan.

pendek kate aku nak kate kat sini, kebergantungan kepada Allah tu yg paling utama. bila kita letakkan 100% kebergantungan  (faith) pada yang Maha Esa, in sha Allah kite tak akan rasa susah sikit pun. dan ya, itulah cinta. cinta yg paling utama. cinta yg paling agung. Allah bagi apa yg kita mintak sedangkan kita ni kadang2 solat pn bila nak habis waktu. rasa malu sgt. even Allah bg kita apa yg kita tak mintak. subhanallah.

dan cinta. tajuk post ni cinta. bile kau ckp kau cintakan seseorang krn Allah, sebenarnye kite kene tgok hidden meaning behind that bro (and sis of course). adakah frasa itu sekadar penyedap ayat atau betul2 memaknai maksud di sebalik frasa tu? sebelum mencintai seseorg kerana Allah, kita kene cintai Allah dulu. kite kene cintai kekasih Allah yakni Rasulullah (SAW). dan bagaimana mencintai Allah kalau kita x kenal Cinta kita? mcm mana nak cintai Rasulullah kalau surah kegemaran Rasulullah (SAW) kite tak tau? mcm mana nak cinta kalau tak kenal?

aku tak suke kurma. aku tak suke madu. tapi sekarang aku belajar makan kurma, makan madu hari2 sebab aku tau itu sunnah. Rasullullah (SAW) suka. aku tau Rasulullah suka surah al-A'la dan automatik surah tu antara surah kegemaran aku. pendek kata aku belajar suka sesuatu sebab ak tau Rasulullah suka, dan aku nak sukakan apa yg Rasulullah (SAW) suka, sbb aku nak belajar cintakan dia. bila kita buat apa yg Allah suka, apa yg sunnah, kita akan lebih kenal siapa Pencipta kita, siapa pemberi syafaat di masyar nnt, dan lama kelamaan perasaan cinta tu akan datang dengan sendirinya tanpa dipaksa. adat la kan tak kenal maka x cinta?

i used to bro. i used to use that phrase too. that ultimate phrase yg buat kite nmpk mcm baik.yang mghalalkan apa2 yg bertakuk dlm hati - 'aku syg kau krn Allah,'ak ckp kat semua org. kat kawan, famili.  but that's just it. aku cakap tanpa sebarang maksud. even if there was, it wasn't deep and meaningful. it was just portraying me saying something i wanted to, without really mean it. and even now, it wasn't deep enough but at the very least it wasn't as superficial as before. it wasn't just a phrase. well to be exact, mungkin bile ckp mcm tu kau mmg sayaannnggggg kat org tu but frasa 'kerana Allah', this is wayy more than words bro. 

bile kau sukekan seseorang, cntakan seseorang usually kau akan cube kenal die deeper kan. belajar pasal die, apa yg die suke ape yg die tak suke. stalk fb die. pernah dgn mirror effect? we tend to mirror what our loved one do. so sume org tahu bende ni kan. cinta. jadi aplikasikanlah. untuk mencintai Allah dan Rasulullah (SAW), zikir pada Allah dan Rasullulah (SAW), buat ape yg Allah suke, buat perkara2 sunnah, bace sirah baca kisah sahabat, tadabbur Al Quran, sedekah. mcm2 lagi. 

sebab kita nak belajar mencintai Cinta.

mencintai Cinta paling utama sebelum cinta2 yg lain.

kerana cinta itu bukan sekadar cinta. bukan sekadar endorphine yg mengalir dlm darah2 bile kau nampak aku dan aku nampak engkau. tidak. sekali kali tidak.

dan cinta itu bukanlah semudah ucapan di bibir 'aku cintakan engkau kerana Allah'.

cinta itu hanya valid sbg cinta bile kau kau berpaksikan Dia dan hanya Dia

cinta itu cinta bila kau nak bersama dia hingga ke Syurga

dearest future sons & daughters :)

-copied-

A very very cute story:
My Daughter was 12 years old and prayer was like heavy burden on her, So I told her to pray one day and I monitored her. She took the carpet and threw it on the ground. I asked her if she prayed - she said yes - Believe me, without feeling I slapped her face - I know I made a mistake. The situation has troubled me and I cried and I repent to God to forgive me.. The slap, the talk, the reminders did not make a difference to my child.

One day A friend told me a story. She went to one of her friends for a visit. Her friend was not very religious, but when the Adhan prayer was called, her children rushed for prayers without reminders or quarrel. I said to her how does your
children pray
on themselves without quarrel or a reminder? She said, before I got married I used to pray this Dua and stil pray it today.

After she told me the Dua, I began to recite in my prayers and anytime I could. Since I began to recite the Dua my daughter is now the first to prayer without reminders or quarrels. She got up in Fajr prayers without an alarm. And all her brothers are now eager in praying without any difficulties.

I know You are now eager to know this Supplication Dua..

The Supplication is in Surah Ibrahim 14:40.

And the Supplication is...

( رَبِّ ٱجۡعَلۡنِى مُقِيمَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِى‌ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلۡ دُعَآءِ (٤٠

"Rabbi-Ajal'ni muqeema salaati, wa min thurriyyati, Rabbana wataqabbal duaa"

O my Lord! make me one who establishes regular Prayer, and also (raise such) among my offspring O our Lord! and accept Thou my Prayer.

Aameen..

Start today do not wait until you get
married and until you have
kids, prevention is better than cure.

Spread the knowledge so it will be Sadqa-e-Jaaria for you and for me... ان شاء الله .

hi awak. kite doa same2 eh? :)

random

hi nadwa
kalau kau nak lelaki yg solat awal waktu
kau pun kena solat awal waktu gak
simple

kan Allah dah cakap awal2
lelaki yg baik untuk perempuan yg baik, n the other way round

:)

justify

heart sinking
jaw dropping
mind bargaining
in justification
this unconstrained jealousy over something that is not or will never be mine
served as a wake up call
i'm perfectly fine with others, really!
but of course, out of numerous numbers of human, yeah it has to be her.
it always has to be her

bubble

i was kept in a bubble all these while

i felt so comfortable in it

that i wasn't intended to

pop up the bubble and let myself out

still sometimes

i could not reassure 

that i'm 100% not interested with the answers

i am just waiting for anyone

who would have the audacity 

to pop up the bubble for me

whatever it was called, mind reader or telephaty

thee offered the answers for every question left  unspoken

floating in my head

stranded by my inevitable enormous pride

berangan

pagi ni gua bangon tido stalk someone lepas tu berangan.

browww

hantaran kawen gua nnt nak jam tgn G-Shock kapel eh?

ingt tau G-Shock ngn G-Shock

bukan G-Schock ngn Baby-G!


pst: G-Shock yg mcm bro pakai skrg. bahahha

over convocation selfie and rohingya issue; only in malaysia

i refused to be concerned over cliche insignificant silly matter that apparently despite how unimportant it is, unfortunately it has become viral. well i'm talking about the convocation uitm selfie issue that, as if our community do not have any other better things to do, they keep on spreading what supposed not to be concerned with in comparison to the one we should have our ultimate focus on currently, our rohingya brothers and sisters. don't get me wrong. i'm honestly did not agree with what the lad did, obviously how immature he is, i could not not say that he appeared to me as someone who did not think much, who will just go for it no matter how childish the act is, without thinking how massive the consequences would be - or in better easier understandable words, pendek akal.

what has engulf me to not to not blog this is the 'punishment' the lad has to face, over his pendek akal deed.

1 or even worse, 2 years suspension from his course as a punishment, i found it tremendously irrelevant and even more, stupid. come on la. i am in medical course which needed 5 to 6 years just to obtain a degree, by that i am saying i'm still an undergraduate student. these did not include the additional 5 to 6 years i would have to face, if i were to further my career.  i knew how valuable a year could be. there are so much things to do, and to sacrifice a year just because of this so called pendek akal thingys, this is totally unacceptable. come on. we're talking about his future. this lad future. it is unreasonable to waste a year of his life just because of his one inappropriate move, which happened to taint this sacred protocol of a local university. still, don't get me wrong. let alone all those protocols. protocols are like cultures, we are doing it because everybody are doing it. and by being strange and extraordinary for not doing it, you'll be penalized. fine. penalized is one thing, but why make big fuss over it and suspend him for 1 to 2 years?

why waste his time when the embarrassment enforced with the social critics has obviously made him learnt his lesson?

as i'm viewing it in psychology medical perspective, have you ever think of what these will do to his mental state? the depression of being suspended just because of one immature deed of his?

why be troublesome and engulf one time's and years?

what so high and mighty about the protocol that it is responsible to take one's future?

isn't educational institution suppose to make the students realized their mistake and to not be doing the same mistake all over again?

i don't get it. doesn't he learnt his lesson yet?

so why waste his time?

come one people. this has gone way beyond too far in malaysia. this has to stop.

please. don't let stupidity cloud your judgement.

the beautiful rain

she has always love rain

the first roaring sound she would found intimidating, but later followed by the sweet ground aroma of petrichor

and here comes the gushing sound of fallen rain

she would stood still in front of the window and watch the cloud weeping

overwhelmed with interest and deepest tranquility

before, during and after the fallen rain

she loves everything about it

if others would choose to squiggle in the blanket, and immersed in deep sleep during the rain

she would never done any of that

rain was something she waited for and would cherished

every bits of moments, every fallen drops

each wonderful peculiar scent, 

every eye gaze to the deep blue sky when it turns grey

and the soft wind blows that never fail to accompany

then when it stopped raining

she would still love the scenery

the wet-looking road after the rain

the several tiny drops that left at the glass of window pane

as well as the humming trees and and the fallen leaves

per say, she do really love everything about the rain

.

.

.

and there was this one man

who said that rain was never a real deal for him

until he met her

1600 hour. and it's raining currently.
16/5/2015

duke 3.5.2015

si kecil itu
meraung dalam tangisan keperitan
separa faham tentang keadaan
akal mudanya dipaksa menelan
barangkali terlupa sesaat tika hatinya terleka dengan sesuatu
kenyataannya detik itu
sentiasa bertunjang teguh 
jauh di lubuk hatinya

si kecil itu
dalam umur yang masih muda
dia harus menampung segala
dalam keadaan separa faham
dia harus menerima
kedua insan paling bermakna dalam hidupnya
lebih disayangi Dia
telah pergi selama-lamanya

si kecil itu
dia harus faham
dunia ini pinjaman
walaupun kedua orang tuanya sekalipun

si kecil itu
kelak dia akan membesar
hatinya tak goyah tak lemah
jiwanya redha dan pasrah
dia bakal menjadi
yang paling tabah!

si kecil itu
usah gusar sayang
kerana aturan Allah itu yang paling indah dan bijaksana
kerana aturan Allah itu pasti ada pelangi di sebalik awan gelita
sekali lagi, usah risau sayang
kerana Allah selalu ada

kerana Dia selalu bersama.

short note

hey you.
yes you.
have you give up on me already?
:)

ultimate random

this is ultimately random post.

1,2,3.

i'm not a gadget freak person you could easily meet one nowadays. In fact, i don't even know for sure whether the latest model of iphone is 6 or 7. the truth is, i don't give a damn on it. that's why when my sister borrowed my phone to text somebody in view of her pitiful running out of credit once, she was merely insane and frustrated upon how lousy my phone is. for the record, i'm using Lenovo A680.

To be extra frank here, to have the latest updated gadget was the least of my concern. as long as my current phone can make and receive call, applicable on internet & whatsapp that should be enough no matter how lousy it is. seriously, sometimes i get irritated too. not because of the outdated model and brand, but due to the annoying insensitive screen pad. but still, changing phone at the moment was not on my to-do list.  i'm not joking, my screen key pad is so insensitive that when you're playing candy crush, you ended up swapping other candies on the opposite direction instead. sometimes, you could be another step on winning and move on to the next level; you just have to swap the correct candies; chocolate ball candy to the stripes candy beside it. but in the end you swapped the candy above it;and great that was your last move! so boo hoo hoo, u don't managed to collect all bears, or eat all chocolates, let alone climbing to the next level. that's when u get extremely irritated entangled with hatred with ur phone.  but i tried to get use to it. through some practice  and patience, i can play candy crush like other normal ppl on my phone. HA HA.

tainted

it feels strange
upon hearing those words came out from your mouth
never once crossed my mind
that you will be saying that
i was startled and amused and somewhere in between
hence
i tossed and turned
delaying every minutes and hours
struggling as if i was in a battle with 
myself as the opponent
just to figure out 
the best way to reply
keeping my pride and dignity first
above all
even when my heart intended to
prolong as much conversation with you


when you have finally asked
it's funny how
still 
my pride and dignity
has always held me back
from what my heart tells me to
i wasn't hesitating, really
i just wanted to see
how determined you were
and i was wrong
concluded


it's been years now dear friend, more than a decade
since the last time i saw you
do you remember the postcard we've had fighting for?
well i couldn't remember the exact picture on the postcard
and what has made it so special, made it worth fighting for
all i knew was
the unexplained soothing feeling
that came along 
with every bits of memories 
that  echoed like a beautifully played melody in my mind
of every moments when you were with me

things i love

the scent of rain, watching drops of fallen rain and feels its soft touch on tips of finger

listening to beautiful songs and correlate life with the meaning lies beneath each

having someone who share the same interests on bands and songs that you love, and discussed over it sometimes

travel alone in train at night without fixed destination, having seat beside window pane

read someone's words or phrases and find something inside you that interconnected with those

the glow of golden brown sun rays in the late evening before the sunset when it reflects over the window or someone's hair

a good book that you really immersed into it

composing a song with guitar in the thought of someone dear

having slice of cake and cup of coffee in deserted cafe and met someone accidentally and unplanned

the fresh smell of dawn

having someone dedicated and sing a song to you

fallen leaves in breezy evening, with apparent serene sound of wind blowing

lying on the grass watching the stars and wait for shooting stars at night, with someone that gives you butterflies in sweet silence

last

i can't contemplate
of what was inside my little heart
all along the weeks and days
i've been through this posting

today was nothing like what i've imagined
for the rest of the weeks
if i could pick a song to it
it would definitely bad day by daniel powter
maybe i was hormonal
or how my defence mechanism inflicted
entangled with green-eyed jealousy out of nowhere
and here comes the gushing massive flood of tears
when there was really nothing to sob of

in spite of the excruciating mere lunatic heart throbbing
pain scene whereby i played the main role
definitely there'll be blessings in disguise
i just have to buckle up, picking up the rest of courages that remained
unseen but intact
unapparent but true
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
today
marked the end of my orthopaedic posting
and so does my feeling

transparent

i knew exactly 
when i read
whatever written on it
she was talking about you 
and to know that excerpt of long lost tale
exist between you and her
i felt numb, almost senseless
it wasn't unexpected
or i didn't see this coming
it fall somewhere in between


maybe if she wasn't so tacky
and so called different in the first place
i am at utmost happy that you were part of hers
as how she's been portraying it
words fall one  by one, next to each other
almost perfect in imperfection


maybe if the scene was different that very day
in which her path and mine crossed
intertwined with complicated misunderstanding
i wouldn't go through hers and ended up doing such a tricky horrendous online work
maybe this was just
how my defense mechanism inflicted


maybe this happen
because you were in my story
as well

Flipped

last week i happened to watch this movie for the first time. it was great, it left me hanging for 2 to 3 days. you know, the kind of feeling u have when a movie/drama suddenly finished, and all of a sudden you felt gloomy and empty, as if something's missing. because it was too good plus irresistible, i watched it for 3rd time, only for last week.

and then as usual, i ended up making this. yeah  yeah. i'm a noob. i am. lol

footnote: i recently downloaded full album of passenger since 2007. i can't believed i don't know this band earlier at 2007 when they debut their first album. it was way better than their current album, all the little lights. i really love some of their songs in wicked man's rest especially walk in the rain and you're on my mind. do check it out sometimes :)