brief

They say you don’t get over someone until you find someone or something better. As humans, we don’t deal well with emptiness. Any empty space must be filled. Immediately. The pain of emptiness is too strong. It compels the victim to fill that place. A single moment with an empty spot causes excruciating pain. That’s why we run from distraction to distraction, and from attachment to attachment.

So in letting go, the answer lies in love. Fall in love. Fall in love with something greater. Fall in love with the Real thing. See the Mansion.

Only then, will we stop playing in the dollhouse.

-yasmin mogahed-

morning thought.

today. exam bhp. still i've got time to 'shove' some words here. zzzz

we, as human, have always wanting something. eager to have everything.

this and that. 

we couldn't see others with such 'bigger things', we became jealous and we want more

better, bigger, pricer

we pray to the Almighty, we ask for the world. in fact we asked for everything. 

we hoped that others will do and become what it takes to be a good friend to us.

but we often forget.

we always asked, hoped and kept wanting.

without us actually giving something.

it's not like u got to do something to get something. (sgt x ikhlas itu namenye)

but for this a little time

sit back and relax

and why don't we try to give the best of us.

TO HIM

to humanity

and to others?

in fact to everybody.

that will give so much satisfaction instead of just hoping and hoping on others

stop questioning, stop butthurting, stop become such a baby.

start contributing/giving and see the world become better as we done it. TRUST me.

hepi besday anis nedya. lots and lots of loves. :)

dear anis nedya zifruddin.

dulu2 kita belajar pegang pensel

sekarang kita belajar makan jambu batu

anis nedya si kecil genit yang montel :D

selamat hari lahir yang ke-21..

lol. sorry xde susu kotak bersame sticky note untuk ko.

just so you know, i really love u damn much dear.

(mesti ko x pecaye kan? ;p)

seriouslayyy. dan kasih dan sayang aku ni tak terbeli dgn hadiah besar2 yang bakal ko dapat. (hehe)

anyway. sweet-21. semoga hidup penuh dilimpahi barakahNya.

semoga Dia sentiasa ada bersama ko walau dimana dan apa sahaja yg ko lakukan.

terus kekal comel dan lincah k. :)

since nak dekat exam ni. best of luck k. n nanti kite pegi makan roti canai sesame lagi.

jgn lupekan aku walaupun kite dah x satu tutor.

thanx sbb jarang tolak ajakan ak waktu kita satu tutor.

it was real fun to be with u, seriouslayyy..

last but not least, tolongla terharu dgn post ni.;) walaupun ak x join hzmate ko prank ko tadi. (pst: hzmate ko sgt sweet la anis. kalau aku mesti nangis cam gile kalau ade org buat camtuh. hehe)

till then, happy 21 birthday.

i love u always + keep smiling.

lots of loves - nadwa :)

aku bercakap tentang cinta part 1.

no words can say much.

Allahu Rabbi, this is for You and only You and non else.

andai hati ini mencintai duniawi, bantu aku agar terarah cinta ini kepada cinta yang hakiki, cinta Ilahi

andai hati ini mencintai manusia, biarlah cinta itu berpaksikan Islam dan untuk mencari redhaMu Tuhanku

andai cinta itu kotor dan menggelapkan hati, hilangkan segera dari dalam qalbu, tukarkannya pada cinta yang suci kepada Mu.

namun apalah kata tanpa usaha, dan siapalah aku tanpa cinta, rahmat, dan hidayah-Mu.

amin. 

rainbow.

somehow, i wish i'll be rainbow instead.

and my presence will make others happy

my presence will gives hopes.

 (you know rainbow always appear after rain, which means a new start and new hope)

my presence will curve a smile on each other face

my presence will calm every fire burn inside

my presence will be the nice and soothing fragrance for people in every way

my presence will let each of us struggle towards jannah

my presence will give good and no harms.

my presence will be one of the sweetest thing that people will not forget and treasure in their heart

that is some reflection i found in others.

that in any way they make me smile just by looking towards them

and i've to admit, in the deepest of my heart, i wish for that kind of 'reflection'

to be reality.

oh btw. just want to state for no reasons, i just feel like stating such. (cz this morning i saw ppl post this at their skype status..hehe)

i kind of adore and attracted to people who have these 2 qualities, guitar and futsal. and with 1 dominance, religiousity.

kseeya.thnx. :)

monoloqu.e 5

you fight to let go but you want to keep on

u want to hide but u can't run far enough

u can lie but u can't deny

somehow, this wind will blow. and at that time, i'll be smiling and said,

i've passed this test...

an umbrella and the rain

i have no concrete reason(s) to be there

except that i hope my presence will give u support and courages

and to know that i'll always there

when everbody has left..

the tale of an umbrella and the rain

and it's like u're the rain and i am the one holding the umbrella

the umbrella i used to protect myself from getting wet by the rain

but an umbrella is not a fix promises i won't be wet due to rain

umbrella is just another self protection and initiative

i did and tried

to protect me and my heart..

surat untuk sahabat.

wahai teman.

demi Allah, aku menyintaimu.

demi Allah, aku tidak ingin lihat engkau terjerumus ke lembah itu.

demi Allah, aku sgt kasih akan dirimu.

kau tidak tahu betapa peritnya hatiku apabila melihat dan HANYA berdiam diri.

fitrah dalam hatiku meraung gila melepasi kewarasan akalku menyuruh aku bertindak

dan aku tidak tahu ke mana hilang semangat aku.

bukankah redha Allah yang kita cari?

wahai teman.

andai suatu hari aku membuka mulut menegurmu

janganlah engkau salah faham

janganlah engkau melatah mendengarkannya

sesungguhnya kau tidak tahu kekuatan yang aku kumpul hanya untuk melaksanakan itu

demi Allah, aku tidak mahu melihat engkau tertarik ke 'gaung' itu

dan aku juga tidak mahu dipersoalkan di masyar suatu hari nanti

saat itu pasti kau akan memarahi aku kerana tidak menegurmu dahulu

nauzubillah.

demi Allah, aku juga tidak sempurna.

sungguh tidak sempurna.

kadangkala aku juga tercicir sini dan sana

alhamdulillah, ada yang berlapang dada menegurku, menarikku ke atas landasan semula

dan aku rasa terpanggil

kerana aku sayang padamu

cinta itu fitrah.

tetapi hubungan yang tidak halal itu walau hanya kau canangkan sebagai sebuah persahabatan itu

cukup MUDAH menjadi fitnah

andai tiada ketegasan yang kukuh di dalam hati

untuk menjaga...

sebuah ikhtilat.

aku juga harus banyak belajar dan menjaga hati

biar kita sama-sama menjaga sesama sendiri

kau menegurku dan aku menegurmu.

biar kita jaga ikhtilat kita

biar cinta fitrah itu kita salurkan kepada yang Maha Mencintai

cinta Agung kepada Maha Kuasa

sebelum kita mencintai insan lain.

yang layak memiliki dan dimiliki.

uhibbukifilllah wahai sahabat.

-nadwa aqeela-

monoloqu.e 4

and the wind doesn't blow, making stiff air as it is..

starry eyes and looks

in the outside, i laugh and cheers.

in the inside, i'm begging you to turn ur face out.

i'm begging you to cut the smile on ur face

poor me.

i just hope that this wind will blow.

this river will flow and take me back to the place and space i suppose and should.

it's just that i can't deny fitrah.

guess that i'm still a girl, in and out.

and still, u are my biggest concern.;

.. and i hate it!

what have i been doing so far. as muslim? astaghfirullahaladzim

this morning, i broke down to tears. i admit that there are ups and downs, sometimes u're sad and sometimes u're not, but just now, i cried myself out. and i realised that i've been holding in too long. too long not to cry. and it feel relieved and set me up all fresh.

and then i read on fb on what happened in syria. girl 8 y.o has been raped several of times before killed, brothers sisters parent had to watch and only watch in disgust helplessly, children and adults are tortured, beaten, and lastly shot at places that can't lead to immediate death, instead they died slowly due to tissue injury, bleeding and sort.. 

and i felt relentlessly embarassed of myself.

what have i've been doing, crying over such little thing, screaming out i've been holding on so long, and notify that people are unfair while my brothers and sisters have been killed shot to death in syria and i've done nothing.

how shameful i was. :'(

oh Allah oh Allah, make it easier in Syria, do protect muslimin and muslimat there from the inhumanity of others. nauzubillah. oh Allah oh Allah, may Islam become stronger, and may Islam be nurtured in each other heart cz the with strong ukhwahfillah ummah, kafir laknatullah can do nothing!. 

oh Allah oh Allah, only to you i hoped and pray to and non else!

amin.

monoloqu.e part 3.

u = my biggest concern

i don't even care about others.

when i'm embarassed or ashamed or do something stupid,

i was wondering did u look at me and laugh?

or do u pity me?

or do your pair of eyes not even looking at me?.

if the 3rd is the answer, i'm relieved.

cause at the very first place, i don't even want you to look at me.

..and this is not resricted to or define anybody.! tlglah jgn perasan. -_-

bicara hati.

kadang kala, kita sudah berusaha sebaik mungkin.

namun begitu, segala yang berlaku acap kali tidak seperti yang dirancangkan.

kerana manusia biasa hanya bisa merancang

dan yang di Atas yang menentukan

dan kita hanya perlu yakin dengan perancangan Allah itu 

kerana..

hikmah itu hanya terlihat apabila kita menyambungkan titik-tik episod kehidupan sehigga di akhirnya terhasillah lukisan yang Allah cuba sampaikan atau ajarkan kepada kita

dan itu semestinya yang terbaik buat kita!

yakinlah!!

selama mana kta menolong agama Allah itu, Allah akan menolong kita.IA. 

tiada sebab untuk berputus asa.

tiada sebab berduka lara.

tiada sebab berapi membara.

kerana di akhirnya Allah Maha Kuasa.

yakinlah dengan kuasa doa. yakinlah ujian itu tarbiyah dan kadang kala Allah rindu mendengar rintihan

sang hamba.

dia hantar 'sedikit' nak tarik kita dekat dengan dia..

bicara pasal duit?

hmmm. duit makan pakai rumah harta semua milik Allah.

redhalah. pasti ada hikmah di sebaliknya.

dan aku. aku juga sedang berusaha.

mengumpul segala kekuatan. saki baki semangat yang tertiup kembali kerana percaya akan janji Allah pada hambaNya.

bukankah orang mukmin itu ajaib kerana setiap yang berlaku pada mereka adalah kebaikan?

subhanallah.

Allahu Rabbi,

aku percaya pada rezekiMu. andai tiada adakan. andai ada kekalkan.

insyaAllah.

Allahu Allah Allahu Rabbi:)

bertelagah itu cara terendah menegakkan kebenaran. so chill nadwa. Rasulullah itu tetap tersenyum meskipun dikutuk dicerca dihina. kenapa baru dijentik sedikit sudah membara?

Allahu Allah kurniakan aku sabar.

galau.

everything u did is big deal to me.

that's why i've already told myself

fb should be prohibited and deactivated.

i hate to say this but..

 one of the reason is you

-_-"

basically this is just pre exam syndrome.

don't judge and try not to understand what has been written.

harini hidup aku sgt chaos. dari pagi , dalam tutor, tgh hari, pastu waktu petang juge chaotic dalam hati aku yg menggila. mencari jawapan, tertanye-tanye dalam tangisan. akhirnya ak temui jawapan.

Ya Tuhan, terima kasih kerana menjagaku. terjawab segala persoalan.

 ".. Dan kami jadikan sebahagian kamu sebagai cobaan bagi sebahagian yang lain. Maukah kamu bersabar? Dan Tuhanmu Maha Melihat.."-(Al-Furqan : 20)

dan kau hanyalah salah satu ujian yang Allah berikan padaku. dan sabarlah kuncinya. 

eye green

and i knew the fact that when i see 'that',

my heart content with jealousy.

oke seriously ak jeles. x sangke kau boleh buat aku jeles.

should i stop now?.

yes!

kite ke jannah same2 ye? :)

assalamualaikum.

hari ni. erm. aku telah disnap oleh dr kusman disebabkan ketidakpakaian lab coat. sebenarnye, ak xde la segan sgt, cume rasenye tindakan itu tak approriate dan mungkin boleh menjadi stigma kepada diri aku.

u get what i mean. "ahh nadwa, biasela tu die. mmg suke x pakai lab coat," (sebenarnya personally mmg dah ade stigma mcm ni pun kat ak. xpe2. bersangke baik. :) )

hakikatnye act labcoat ak mmg tgah dibasuh. wuwuwu. takpelah, tarbiyah2!. untuk jadi umat Islam yg cemerlang gemilang terbilang. -end-

**********************************************************************************

then terjadilah satu situasi yg menjentik akal kecil ak ni untuk berfikir.

"aku x suke la si polan2.."

"ak benci la si polan2..."

"ak x berkenan la care die tuh.. "

itu ini. depan belakang. kiri kanan. tanpa sedar, kita memburukkan saudara kita sendiri dengan menjaja keaiban org lain kepada org lain. WALAUPUN niat kita baik. WALAUPUN kita tidak berniat untuk memburuk-burukkan org lain. WALAUPUN hanya dengan niat berkongsi masalah dan pandangan. namun begitu sedarkah kita yang kalaupun si polan polan yang menjadi bahan cerita sememangnya seprti apa yang diperkatakan, kiranya kita tidak menegur, perbuatan itu kan sudah termasuk di dalam mengumpat! astaghfirullahaladzim. sepertinya memakan bangkai sendiri. nauzubillah. apatah lagi kiranya cerita-cerita itu berunsur fitnah.

tidak!. bukan untuk mengatakan aku sempurna. ak tidak melakukan perkara itu. wahai sahabat-shabatku, aku juga sepertimu. sedang mencari-cari ruang dan peluang untuk menampal apa yang tertetas, terkoyak rabak. mencari cahaya hidayah Tuhanku, jua Tuhanmu. mencari redha Rabbul Izzati sepertimu. kadang-kadang, (or most of the time) kita kurang waras / tidak sedar kita terheret untuk melakukan dosa 'ckp belakang' ini! ak berkata-kata atas dasar pengalaman sendiri.  ak bagi contoh la..

"eii,.. tengokla si polan tuh. verkepit 24 jam. eh aku dahla meluat tengok org kapel-kapel ni..."

"ishk, si polan ni dia buat dah.. asyik tau nak marah-marah je. ak x boleh betulla dgn org macam tu.."

"eiii.. getik la aku dgn perangai die  no. bajet bagus!!"

see. ak amik cth 1st yang ak tulis tuh. "aku sangat benci la tgok org kapel ni. ak xnak kapel smp la ak kahwin,". dear, setiap perkataan kita itu sebenarnya akan diuji. sebab itu Islam mementingkan modesty. jangan melebih-lebih dalam membenci, takut nanti terjerat kaki sendiri. bukanla ak nak mengatakan atau membenarkan yang haram, tetapi manusia sebenarnya tidak sedar mereka selalu melakukan apa yang mereka perkatakan dan bencii..

nahh. org yg paling rapat dgn aku (tlgla jgn perasan sape2) mengaku sendiri kepadaku yang die sgt membenci kapel tetapi akhirnya die terjerat ke dalam kancah itu. sbb tu jgn cakap besar. jgn ekstrem. 

salah satu tanggungjawab muslimin muslimat adalah memelihara amar makruf nahi mungkar. dan apabila kita terlihat perbuatan buruk yang against Islam, pentingnya, maha pentingnya untuk kita mencegah:

1 dengan tangan  jika punya kuasa ; jika tidak mampu

2. dengan perkataan; jika tidak mampu

3. dengan hati ; maka ini selemah lemah iman.

jadi kesimpulannya di sini. andainya, by any chance, kita terlihat perbuatan buruk orang lain, apa yang perlu dilakukan adalah menegurnya. ya aku faham, bukan mudah. ibarat menarik rambut dalam tepung,tepung tidak selerak, rambut tak putus. namun begitu bukan Islam sudah menggariskan method2 berkesan dakwah? iaitu dengan tatacara yg betul dan berhikmah. berdakwah juga ada caranya. maaf aku juga masih belajar. tidak mampu untu menghuraikan panjang2 tentang cara berdakwah. huhu

namun begitu intinya di sini adalah, jangan takut untuk menegur kiranya terlihat kemungkaran. daripada kita menjaja keburukan orang lain atau memendam dalam hati atau berkongsi dengan sahabat lain dgn niat meluahkan perasaan, semata-mata ingin menjaga hubungan dgn teman yang disayangi itu!

"ahh, ak takutla nak tegur!! nanti dia terase, die taknak kawan dgn aku dah. kalau ak tegur baik2 pun macamla die nak dga.. baik ak berdiam diri je'..aku sendiri pun x sempurna"

aku juga punya masalah begini. ye. semestinya. tapi tepuk dada tanya hati. redha siapa yang kita mahukan? redha Allah atau redha manusia?

sebab itu juga ada garis panduan untuk berdakwah. percayalah sahabat, suatu hari nanti dia pasti mengerti mengapa kau melakukan sedemekian rupa, itu adalah kerana kau menyayanginya. seperkara lagi, kalau nak tggu smp sempurna, smp kucing bertanduk pn x jadi beb!! sbb kesempurnaan milik Maha Pencipta, dan memang sifat manusia penuh kekhilafan kan. kalau bertolak2 tugas berdakwah ni, siapa je yg layak nak menegakkan syiar Islam?!!!

next thing is, siapa yang mahu lihat orang sekelilingnya dimurkai maha Pencipta?

dan aku, seperti post2 sebelum ni, aku mahu dikelilingi sang bunga yang wangi-wangi, semoga wangian terpercik ke atas aku dan seterusnya ak juga harum mewangi seperti mereka.

-kita adalah siapa kawan kita. maka bersahabatlah dgn mereka yang mencari Tuhannya- 

dan sahabat, suatu hari nanti setiap perbuatan kita akan disoal di hari yang pasti itu. hari kita dikumpulkan masyar. hari menentukan ke jannah atau sebaliknya. dan sahabat, kiranya ak ditakdirkan ke jannah (amin), ak tidak mahu sendirian. aku mahu menarik orang sekeliling, kau malah semuanya bersama-sama. kerana aku tahu aku juga akan dipersoalkan nanti. kerana kita bersaudara. setiap umat Islam itu bersaudara, bukan? jadi sahabat, ayuh!! zikir fikir. 

sekali lagi. redha siapa yang kita mahukan? tepuk dada tanya iman..

Allahu Rabbi, semoga tulisanku ini tidak menjadi fitnah bagiku, dunia dan akhirat.

obviously i'm not talking about you! :)

it had been so long since the last time i wrote formally. well most of the times, i just "key in" something short or something that happened to cross my mind, and i hate to say this, most of the words came running thru, dancing gracefully in my mind when i'm in my melancholic state.

but today, it seems different, and i would like to talk much more leisurely but in deeper thought of mine. ok seems that sometimes, i am this kind of sarcasm girl, in which ( read this several of time) i didn't really enjoy being that particular kid. like what dr muna said, womens sometimes enjoy 'snapping' on others. they tend to find others mistakes as if there were rewards on that. (ouchhh-_-").. basically, or truthfully, i didn't really want to become such but maybe because of lack abstinence and my boldness, i've been lletting myself to be drag into certain point at certain degree in that particular situation. it's not like i'm giving excuses or sort, but currently i'm working on it. i tried to talk much more softer,i didn't even know or care if others realise this, but actually i do work even in a simplest way. however, humans are still human. more or less there will definitely be obstacles made up by human itself, and as for me, i couldn't boldly say i didn't care much on that. although i repeated to myslef several of times, everyday, that we live here, breathing and for what we've been doing are to be judged by the one and only, Rabbul Izzati. still, despite the fact knowing that, why do i worry so much on others judgement? -_-.

maybe, or postively maybe, i'm lacking of taqwa.

u see like this.

TAQWA= REALISE + SELF CONTROL

and perhaps, i have this 'realise' thing but still not powerful enough to control myself from doing such. but at least, i'm working on it.

still, i couldn't understand why certain people need to be harsh when others are trying to be good on them. u see what i mean? my point is, me myself, i definitely admit that i'm lacking here and there, and everywhere, still struggling in this life here after, finding and searching myself and who i would wanna be. lemme give an example, when others are talking politely to you, why is that u have to respond to it harshly and stiff while others are giving all out just to be nice, polite and soft? -_-". i mean, it's kind of tough to accept such thing. i knew the fact humans are always unfair, so don't bother to hope on them  but can't you at least open up ur mind and struggle with me for a better life and world? 

maybe. oh maybe. i am that kind of person before. always done such thing and still hasn't realised until now. and when others are doing it to you, now that u know how painful it is to live ur life without manners, in both way, either you without manners or surrounding ppl whom lack of manners.

i'm sorry and pls don't butthurt anywhere , i obviously didn't want to pin point anybody and this is random, and of course the closest ppl who wrote is the one who should reflect what have been written the most. :)

just that if we can nurture in our heart, the eagerity to change and making improvements, it would be so much better for this world and hereafter.

as for me, i want to be that kind of perfume, so i tried to befriends with ppl whom hv that kind of scent and indirectly, i want to spread this perfume of mine or others to the world, so that ppl will share the perfumes, together.

Allahu Rabbi, may this will never be 'fitnah' to me and bring good to others. amin.

i say to myself the period between isyak and maghrib should be filled in with rohaniah food.

and then i found this phrase.

huhu. tak tahulah kenape ak jiwang la sgt kan. -__-

“Kalau benar ingin jadi lelaki yang mencintai perempuannya, maka mulalah 

dengan berusaha membawa diri sendiri ke Syurga. 

Kerna nanti, kau perlu memimpinnya ke sana.” 

-Hilal Asyraf-

hehe. sweet kan? *capital X capital D*