chaos.

yeah. i'll tell ya. it is a big challenge for me. i feel rather awkward. for every movements & every talk & every stare. personally i do think this is a good starting point. to stop what hasn't been built, for turning over a new leaf, to wash away all these inappropriate thinking. i asked somebody 'did my face change?'. cause i felt deep inside it was chaotic, it's like all my facial muscles are aching and tingling as i curving a smile. i knew there are something good in every day. to count the blessings are countless'. i knew what i probably said wasn't even a challenge for some ppl. it is just one phase of life that when you meet with it, you hv to bear with it. i knew this long before. i wasn't as tough as one could think of. i am weak & fragile. oh Allah. let me not take this as things that will stop me, or trying to be something i don't wanna be. this is a test, i should have passed it easily. haven't i said i'll look more than anythingelse upon habluminallah compare to habluminannas (if i've to choose)?.yeah. i am deeply ashamed, how am i suppose to think of these as big when my brothers and sisters in rohingya, syria, gaza in fact anywhere are being killed, raped and bombed up? astaghfirullahaladzim.

i'm not sure if this is the hormones problem or anything.oh Allah forgive me for all this insignificant thinking. make me stronger so that i could leave insignificant things that i shouldn't be concern of behind. put on a better calming smile on my face. help me, guide me, guard me on my journey so that everyday i'm turning into a better muslimah. ameen.

‘From the good manners of Islam is to  

leave that which does not concern him.’ 

[Al-Tirmidhi]