over my head

it will be good if i get to walk alone like how i usually did back then when i was still in bandung.

now everything seems far & faded away

there was a time i stood alone at the roundabout somewhere in mulana

thinking how i would miss this moment when it ends

and stand back at the balcony

watching the blue sky with fluffy cotton candy clouds

or sometimes on purpose walking leisurely outside

when it rain

to feel, to hear, and to see the rain

with no worries. without any other else to accompany me

it feels right that way

but not here

i am afraid to walk alone

i feel suffocated, the outside world are cruel and horrible

not saying that there were no crimes at jatinangor

but it feels much safer there

i could go alone and return alone

i could be independent on myself

now i could only stand

beside the windows pane

turning on my most favourite songs on the playlist

withe a cup of tea on the table

looking out right through the window

but still being aware of strangers outside

waiting for the rain

and smiling.