season.

16 august 2014.
my sahabah wedding, she was part of ABLA.
truthfully, deep in my heart i was happy intertwined with overflowing sadness as i knew it will never be the same between all of us again.
she will now have more responsibility and other more important things to be taken care of
of course, that was a childish side of mine
one day, we all will step on this staircase too, just like her
iA, may Allah granted us zauj yg soleh, aamin 
the childish heart of mine was wounded again filled with excitement and astonishment as i knew another abla-ee will build up her baitul this year on november
my eyes were teary, literally
we are 6 all of us, and now 2 had settled down in marriage and another 1 on this upcoming november

i was being greedy, i knew
i was sulking a bit, in my own way
when there was just 2 of us
in front of mosque, 
she asked me something. she was all demure and sweet looking. let me introduce her as XYZ. 

"nadwa, ape tujuan kita berkhwin?"

i gave that empty look. answering her question with another question.

"ape tujuan kita berkahwin XYZ?"

she paused a moment, there was a smile curved on her face. her face lits with hope and modesty.

"takpelah kalau tujuan kita berkahwin supaya ada yg melindungi, or nak anak dan sebagainya. tapi sebenarnya on top of that, tujuan kita berkahwin hanyalah kerana yang kat atas tu.. kerana Allah" she pointed up her finger, upwards.

i looked at her, interested. her lips was still tinged with a smile.

"kalau kita rasa dengan berkahwin, dapat mendekatkan kita lagi dgn maha Esa, maka berkahwinlah. klu tujuan kita hanya kerana Allah, any outcome of the marriage pn kita dapat terima. sbb yang kita nak Allah. yang kita harapkan Allah. bukan lelaki tu. sbb tujuan kite satu, nak cari redha Allah,"

she was a friend of mine since years ago. we always have this kind of small misagreement, but behind that, i knew we all loved and appreciated each other truthfully. i am lucky Allah had sent me all this these wonderful friends that had help me to become who i am today, who love and accepted me unconditionally, who pulled me closer when i'm far.

alhamdulillah for this nikmah. 

i love u guys, ABLA so much. :')

alhamdulillah.

alhamdulillah.

'only to those who fail, are able to know the sweetness of success'

result came out yesterday. at that time, i was literally on my way back to kl. i have no idea about it until maya called. and later, several of messages came in, sharing happiness and gratitude from friedns and studymate. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

i nodded happily as i knew, alhamdulillah, most of us are able to pass through it.  of course, there are several who will make it, maybe not today, but little that we know about all the hikmahs left behind. hey, Allah plan is the best of the best, right?

and then the next thing i knew, i was in the car, continuing my journey. it was dark outside and inside, my nephew and niece both are sleeping, and i sinked into deeper thoughts. of course, with a smile tinged on my lips. then the very 'talk' came to my mind, that particular talk i've always remembered.

"kalau kita mendapat sesuatu kejayaan, janganla kita merasa hebat. boleh jadi kita sebenarnya hebat disebabkan doa mak bapak kita je. doa mak bapak yang tiada hijab, dan dengan izin Allah kita berjaya.."

of course, as a human, there is sometimes that small ugly things linger in heart, staining it dark. we wouldn't want it, but we can't help it. thus, with istighfar and the thought of this phrase will pull me back down to earth as how it suppose to be. we are lucky we have parents to pray for us. who love us unconditionally. no matter what we do :') alhamdulillah for this nikmat of family and parents.

i'll never forget this. never once, never will. amin.