numb.

i can't help but to feel it
the pain is excruciating, as if it is crushing my bones to the deep
as i pretend to hide it in between the layers of skin and muscles
the pain of being betrayed when dirts were spread on your face-almost finely without you having chance to defense it
i spoke as if it doesn't matter, i couldn't care less
where it hurts badly that i felt numb, inside

and somehow this very pain
makes me wonder of what i've done so far
that this pain is so rendering; so destructing; it must hv been my misdeed before
my misjudgement that gives others - which i don't know who the same feeling (i hope not)

now that i know how the pain was
from the bottom of my heart, i am truely deeply sorry if i'd caused this type of pain before
to someone, somewhere out there - whoever you are

so next time when you wanted to accuse people on something
make sure that it is right
if it's right you get one 
but if it's wrong, u get two
the sin of fitnah and and backbitting
a gentle reminder to myself too
and you get two now, i could say for my words are true

people will forget words, especially for the party that speak
but people will never forget how you've made them feel

true; wound would healed, and i-we smiled and i-we laughed
but true as well, it would scarred

and yet they say time will fix it all
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false - it's the heart