Tuesday, January 31, 2012

feeding interest.

here i go again.
when i have nothing to do, or i choose to do 'nothing' instead of everything..


theme today is 1st album on sale. wahhahah. kredit to hazzy for holding my phone camera. =)




this is not a disease. THIS IS PLEASURE.
this is the story of myself feeding my own interest.


pst : meks. kau buat ak jiwang malam2 bute ni sbb bagi ak lagu ni. judika-setengah mati merindu. hehe. thnx anywayy.. 

heart & antibiotic

if i tell u don't go, would you listen to me?
i know u're a person that do things according to deen and not just by following heart
simply
but if i ask you not to go, will  u do it?
will u listen to me & choose not to go?
will you?

-sorry for being irrational of things that is not mine, that will never be mine, i do not own those things. i'm acting stupid here. i know.-



let's just struggle will you?
i miss ABLA.

monoloqu.e

jauh di sudut hati, aku juga ingin begitu
aku juga ingin berani
seperti mereka
mengambil langkah setapak demi setapak 
demi mengejar cinta-Nya
mencari erti hidup
yang sebenar

namun aku mmg seorang pengecut.
takut pada sebuah perubahan
takut dengan apa yang bakal ditempuhi
takut untuk meninggalkan masa-masa itu
walhal aku tahu
hari esok hanya Allah yang tahu

aku sedang mencari kekuatan 
mengumpul keberanian
untuk aku tekadkan hati, bulatkan niat
terima kasih teman
maaf kerana aku mengutip sisa saki baki haruman yang kau pakai
aku pasti kau tidak kisah kan?

aku tahu setiap kata hanya alasan
untuk sang pengecut yang hipokrit
dan aku tidak mahu menjadi sebegitu
namun begitu kadang kala aku terfikir?
yang mana harus dulu?
luaran atau dalaman?
yang ain' atau qalbu'?

...

pasti kedua-duanya.
ya Rabb, pelihara hatiku jika masih ada hati.
jika tidak kurniakan yang baru.
amin...



Sunday, January 29, 2012

..

assalamualaikum.

wanita solehah itu tidak memandang dan tidak dipandang.




selamat menjaga mata & hati :)
semoga Allah redha.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

aku, Lim & Islam - fully copied.

shared copied authorized by farahinlee.blogspot.

Aku punya seorang rakan baik dari zaman kanak-kanak, Lim Wei Choon. Sama-sama bersekolah rendah hingga ke peringkat menengah . Selepas SPM, Aku masuk ke Tingkatan 6, manakala Lim dihantar keluarganya melanjutkan pelajaran ke Amerika Syarikat. Kenangan sewaktu kanak-kanak hingga ke zaman remaja terlalu banyak yang dikongsi bersama. Setiap kali hariraya menjelang, Lim pasti berkunjung ke rumah ku untuk menikmati dodol arwah ayahku yang amat digemarinya. Kadangkala, jika ada kenduri kendara dirumahku, pasti Lim akan turut serta. Aku jarang ke rumahnya kecuali untuk beberapa sambutan seperti harijadi dan juga Tahun Baru Cina. Aku takut dengan anjing peliharaan keluarga Lim. Dengan Lim juga aku belajar matematik manakala subjek Bahasa Malaysia sering menjadi rujukannya padaku. Kenangan-kenangan seperti memancing, mandi jeram, ponteng sekolah untuk melihat pertandingan 'breakdance', semuanya kami kongsi bersama-sama. Apa yang ingin kunyatakan ialah, warna kulit dan perbezaan agama tidak pernah menjadi penghalang persahabatan kami. 

     20 tahun telah berlalu, Lim telah menetap di Amerika setelah berjaya mendapat Green Card, beliau bekerja disana. Itu yang kuketahui dari kakaknya. Hubungan ku dengan Lim terputus setelah dia melanjutkan pelajaran. Maklumlah, dizaman kami dulu tiada internet, email atau telefon bimbit, yang ada cuma sesekali menghantar poskad bertanya khabar. Untuk menulis surat kepada lelaki amat malas kami rasakan. 

     Suatu pagi. Aku bertembung dengan kakak Lim di pasar , kakaknya memberitahu Lim akan pulang ke tanahair. Dan aku amat terkejut dengan berita yang kudengar dari kakaknya. 

"He's name is no more Lim Wei Choon. He's now Ahmad Zulfakar Lim since 5 years ago.".

..Subhanallah! Syukur Alhamdulillah, rakan baikku telah menemui hidayah dari Allah S.W.T. Memang aku tak sabar untuk berjumpa dengannya lebih-lebih lagi setelah menjadi saudara seagama denganku.

     Hari yang kutunggu-tunggu telah tiba, dan petang itu aku berkesempatan bertemu dengan Lim dirumahnya. Ada satu keraian istimewa sempena menyambut kepulangannya. Ketika aku tiba, tetamu sudah semakin berkurangan. 
....Itulah kalimat pertama dari mulutnya, wajahnya sudah jauh berubah, air mukanya amat redup dan tenang. Aku menjawab salam dan berpelukan dengannya dan kami menangis umpama kekasih yang sudah terlalu lama terpisah. 

"Ini dia olang memang sudah manyak lama kawan, dari kecik ini dua olang", ibu Lim menjelaskan pada beberapa orang tetamu yang melihat peristiwa kami berpelukan dan menangis itu. 

Tetapi aku bukan menangis kerana apa, tetapi kerana amat sebak dan terharu dan sangat bersyukur melihat keislaman rakanku. Lim mengajak aku duduk dibuaian dihalaman rumahnya untuk berbual-bual. beliau masih fasih berbahasa melayu walau sudah lama berada diperantauan.

"Talha, kau kawan baik aku kan ? betul tak?...".
"Memanglah..Kenapa kau tanya macam tu?".
"Kalau kau kawan baik aku, kenapa kau biarkan aku diseksa?".
"Sorry Lim. Aku tak faham..diseksa? What do you mean?".
"Cuba kau fikir, kita ni kawan dari kecil. Aku ingat lagi, rumah kau tu, is my second house. Tapi, mengapalah kau tak pernah ceritakan pada aku tentang Islam? Mengapa aku kena pergi ke US baru aku dapat belajar tentang Islam? Mengapa bukan di Malaysia , negara Islam ni? Dan mengapa aku di Islam kan oleh seorang bekas paderi kristian?".

Aku terdiam, kelu tak mampu menjawab. Dan Lim terus berkata-kata.

"Kalau betullah kau kawan baik aku, kenapa kau cuma nak baik dengan aku di dunia saja? Kau suka tengok kawan baik kau ni diseksa di dalam api neraka? Kau tahu, kalaulah aku ni tak sempat masuk Islam hingga aku mati, aku akan dakwa semua orang melayu Islam dalam kampung kita ni sebab tak sampaikan dakwah dan risalah Islam pada aku, keluarga aku dan non muslim yang lain. Kau sedar tak, kau dah diberikan nikmat besar oleh Allah dengan melahirkan kau di dalam keluarga Islam. Tapi, nikmat itu bukan untuk kau nikmati seorang diri, atau untuk keluarga kau sendiri, kau dilahirkan dalam Islam adalah kerana ditugaskan untuk sampaikan Islam pada orang-orang yang dilahirkan dalam keluarga bukan Islam macam aku.".

Aku masih tunduk dan terkata apa-apa kerana sangat malu.

"Berdakwah adalah tugas muslim yang paling utama, sebagai pewaris Nabi, penyambung Risalah. Tetapi apa yang aku lihat, orang melayu ni tiadak ada roh jihad, tak ada keinginan untuk berdakwah, macamana Allah nak tolong bangsa melayu kalau bangsa tu sendiri tak tolong agama Allah? Aku bukan nak banggakan diri aku, cuma aku kesal.. Sepatutnya nikmat ini kau kena gunakan dengan betul dan tepat, kerana selagi kau belum pernah berdakwah, jangan kau fikir kau sudah bersyukur pada Allah. Dan satu lagi, jangan dengan mudah kau cop orang-orang bukan Islam itu sebagai kafir kerana kafir itu bererti ingkar. Kalau kau dah sampaikan seruan dengan betul, kemudian mereka ingkar dan berpaling, barulah kau boleh panggil kafir.".

Aku menjadi amat malu, kerana segala apa yang dikatakan oleh Lim adalah benar! Dan aku tak pernah pun terfikir selama ini. Aku hanya sibuk untuk memperbaiki amalan diri sehingga lupa pada tugasku yang sebenar. Baru aku faham, andainya tugas berdakwah ini telak dilaksanakan, Allah akan memberikan lagi pertolongan, bantuan dan kekuatan serta mempermudahkan segala urusan dunia dan akhirat sesorang itu.

     Petang itu aku pulang dengan satu semangat baru. Aku ingin berdakwah! Lim yang baru memeluk Islam selama 5 tahun itu pun telah mengislamkan lebih 20 orang termasuk adiknya. Mengapa aku yang hampir 40 tahun Islam ini (benarkah aku Islam tulen) tidak pernah hatta walau seorang pun orang bukan Islam yang pernah kusampaikan dengan serious tentang kebenaran Islam?

Allahu Allah, aku bersyukur di atas nikmat iman & islam ini. namun begitu ya Allah, jdikan ak hambamu yang benar2 berpaksikan Islam, bukan hanya di atas sekeping kertas, bukan kerana tertera di IC, jauh skali kerana keturunan. amin.

subhanallah, indahnya hidayah Allah itu..
=')



Friday, January 27, 2012

bintang.

alhamdulillah. praised to Allah The Almighty. i've woked up 12.30 am, with aim, to go through all the phop slides, which i've only started. ermm.. now? =).

long long time ago, when i started to know indie and.it all started with this band. with their song. 'nikmat sementara'. and then one night. i was in the car.i can't particularly remember what journey i was on that time. i asked my father to turn the radio to Xfm channel. and them i started looking outside the window, watching the sparkling stars, buried in the ocean of 'night', with deep dark sensation, but a beautiful feeling mix inside, along the way with gorgeous eye-gazing moon. (subhanallah.). and i'll go through the lyrics. until the song end. & return,  i googled the song title..



di sudut mataku
karya teragung bintang
tiada secantik, seindah misteri
bintang..

ku kan terus berlari
meniti pelangi
menggapai mimpi
menembusi langit 
walaupun mustahil
tapi ku percaya..

ku merenung kembali
memohon Ilahi
menyinari hari
kerna ku tak pasti
jalan ku lalui
untuk selamanya...


night filled with gorgeous stars. subhanallah...

& it was 'bintang'.
by statik.
-a wonderful song describing a small heart with big hopes & dreams-

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

easiest words.

sorry.
for every hurting. 
sorry.
for every hurtful moment i gave.
sorry.
for any injuries i caused. don't care superficial or deep.
sorry.
for every scar i leave.
sorry.
for every torture & hard time u've been through, because of me.
sorry.
for every despicable words prickling heat. causing pain.
acheing.
sorry.
sorry.

i knew. clearly.
a simple sorry won't heal. 
simple sorry won't turn back time. yes.
but..
a simple sorry would give me chance to change, making me a better person.
lead my life better.
let the world be a better place to live in.

saya manusia yang penuh khilaf. bertatih-tatih mencari cinta-Nya. kamu juga begitu. semoga kita ketemu apa yang dicari.
maaf juga. masih belum bisa menjadi dandang minyak wangi seharum kasturi, masih memakai perfume bunga tahi ayam. bercampur peluh tengik yang menusuk hidung , menyakitkan mata.
namun begitu, insyaAllah suatu hari nanti pasti.
Pasti! 

kerana tujuan hidup ini cuma satu, mencari redha-Nya. mencari cinta-Nya.


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

subhanallah.


attracted to a post i've read somewhere in facebook. it's about 'kejantanan Saidina Ali'. Pheww.. it was kind of sweet and inspirational, in my point of view. subhanallah. maybe that is the most suitable words spurted out from my mouth reading such a wonderful love story. i would not talk about the content. perhaps some of u reader(s).. (are there any? :D) wanna read it, i'll paste down the link. from someone tumblr. written by author Salim A. Fillah. i always love his writing btw, i've once seen him in real life, eyes met eyes, that is when i'm attending Permai. hehe.

now click the cute cup to read- 


some quote (one actually) i found it awesome, seriously..

Cinta tak pernah meminta untuk menanti.
Ia mengambil kesempatan.
Itulah keberanian.
Atau mempersilakan.
Yang ini pengorbanan.


and also it is even 'beautiful-ly' plotted (it's real) when Fatimah revealed what is actually in her pure heart, after her marriage, with Ali;

“Maafkan aku, karena sebelum menikah denganmu. Aku pernah satu kali jatuh cinta pada seorang pemuda ”
‘Ali terkejut dan berkata, “kalau begitu mengapa engkau mau menikah denganku? dan Siapakah pemuda itu?”
Sambil tersenyum Fathimah berkata, “Ya, karena pemuda itu adalah Dirimu”

that's all. i've been doing new post for 3rd times today. it's actually a relieved since only certain ppl know the existence of this blog, so i can be more relax & leisurely writing some stuff, put out what in my mind in a way i want it to be. and of couse as a normal ordinary girl living her life, i pray for some story like this. (i'm sure all of you too) and one time it won't be a story, it'll create history. :).

:)



Monday, January 23, 2012

love letter to dearest Almighty.

Allahu Allah
tomorrow is the first shot. |MDE dermatomusculoskeletal system.|
make it easier for us Ya Rahman,
remind us if we forget Ya Rahim,
let us do our best correct choice, for that guide us Rabbul Izzati.
Amin.

'berdoalah kepada Tuhanmu dengan rendah hati dan suara yang lembut. Sungguh, Dia tidak menyukai orang-orang yang melampaui batas' 
(al-A'raf, ayat 55)

Allahu Rabbi, malu dgn Allah sbb selalu minta & sll dapat. usaha tak banyak sangat tapi Allah selalu bagi. :') Allah selalu bagi peluang. malu sgt2. Alhamdulillah syukur sgt2. mix feeling.Y a Rahman, i'll take this time just to say how grateful i am for everything & anything u've gave me. Allahu Allah, pls enlighten our path, pls make it easier for us. tomorrow is a big day. biarkan kami berjihad di jalanMu ya Allah. 

only to Allah i u should turn. i should turn. everyone has to turn. :')
Allahu Rabbi. Allahu Allah. 

Allahu Allah..

when Allah is the main reason for u to live,
do not fear or be afraid.
do not be sad or dissapointed
do not hope & rely on others

“Sungguh menakjubkan sikap seorang mukmin itu, segala keadaan dianggapnya baik dan hal ini tidak akan terjadi kecuali bagi seorang mukmin. Apabila mendapatkan kesenangan, dia bersyukur, maka itu lebih baik baginya, dan apabila ditimpa penderitaan, dia bersabar, maka itu lebih baik baginya.”(H.R.Muslim) 

subhanallah..



only to Allah you should turn..

Sunday, January 22, 2012

my mom real cute - no joking. ;)

examination this tuesday. i'm closing my anatomy-friendly book, moore just for a little mind & eye rest.and then i started blogwalked. and then i started typing some stuff here..

i called my mum last week. to be telling the truth, i am a kind of person whom rarely called home. since i've been chosen to continue my study in mrsm, i can still count how many times i called home. most of the reason is because of examination and also.. money. *sigh* mother said i'm a very independent person. in fact i'm not actually. rather being independent, i was actually being egoistic. i've never realised the importance of calling home, until now. until i'm futrthering studies here, struggling with some course called medicine. and then i realised, my parents are getting old. it's kind of funny during talking, when sometimes we did paused a bit, cz we've lost of words to say. it is real awkward moment. haha:). gladly i've realised that not that late. now i learn to call regularly, learning to communicate well in different kind of ways. learn to become mature and behaving like normal kind of girls. (call their parents everyday) of course i haven't come to that. but it is a relieved that there is 'no pause' in our phone conversation now. it's not that i've fought with my parents or something, its just a matter of awkwardness & unusual thing! the good sides are i am now learning to make it usual, to push away those awkwardness.

it's actually not a hard thing either.

mom's love is unexplainable, unconditianally pure.

we're talking some random things. mom's said she still sad with the breaking news of her's. i did comfort her. although i'm not good on that kind of 'comforting' things. not knowing how to further my stories, and afraid that it's gonna be a long pause (like always) , something pop up from my mind.

'mak tau ade senior wa, 2 tahun je tue dari wa nak kahwin bulan 2 ni. mereka kahwin sesama sendiri, 1 batch.'

'ye ke? dah tu macammana nak blajo tuh? dah kahwin...'

'hehe. pandailah deme.' 

i don't really know how to respond on that. a little smile might help. it's not an appropriate things for us to say either. we are the outsider btw. huhuh. and before the conversation ends, mom said..

'eiii...kamu jangan le...habiskan belajo dulu..ishk riso pulak mak.' -_____- 

mom talked in her usual perak-ians accent which brought me into a broad smile. my buccinator muscle is aching.. (over)

hehe.  mom's is a perfecty undeniable cute. she was worried i jumped into something like that. (since small, i am an unexpectable person. sbb tu mak takut kot. -.0" )of course marriage is a good thing, but when it comes to a perfect timing & space. there are many things to be considered. many! seriously MANY.

and i have nothing to talk about that. it's not a thing to be think of either,,, right now at least.:).

DMS hwaiting!! back with moore.


pst: if ANY OF U reading this post, please kindly pray for us. DMS is quite tough, heard it from seniors. jzkk =)


Saturday, January 21, 2012

t.a.l.k

Allahu Rabbi,
jangan biarkan aku menyukai sesuatu yang belum halal dan mungkin tidak akan pernah halal dalam hidupku.

amin.

Friday, January 20, 2012

lost in words.

to think of how immature i was.. yes i am.
blogwalked each & every blog, and it comes to the fact that mine is the most childish.
among my peers. even writing this show clearly my childish-ness.
the most. read it twice. the most!
kept writing the same damn bored story over & over again.
even in this freshie. even in 'this' i claimed to start on new.
and once i told myself not to do it
i still do it again, again..  and again.it's suffocating.
of course there're still huge room for improvement. not that i want to stay in the same position all along the way.
not that i don't want to make a step further, perhaps step(s).
i'm finding courage & bravery.
and i'm still in my 'searching'. the never ending journey of finding something called.. 


me.

ombak rindu version islamic kept my eyes open :)

and after all, it's still me.

it will always be me.| and none others |.

.

"..Do not depend upon the morality of a person until you have seen him behave while in
 anger.." (Umar Ibn Al Khattab)





oouchh..

Thursday, January 19, 2012

tonight blues

the blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
it won't be long till happiness come to greet me


everyone is struggling. it's just that some people hide it better than others. 

cloud. please leave.
sunshine. please come faster.

random words.

heart beat fast
colours and promises
how to be brave
how can i love
when i'm afraid to fall
but watching you stand alone
all of my doubt
suddenly goes away somehow..

typing with the same song rewinding over and over again. the song(s) i keep on play back & forth expecially when night came. it's unexplainable.
i have no reason for that. not like i'm in a some kind of mood or anything, i just did. (what my heart tells me to).

di antara diriku jua dirimu
hanya mengharap cinta Yang Satu
malumu bernilai katamu berhikmah
hatimu tulis suci & murni 
hanya diri yang halal engkau serahkan segala
untuk mencari redha Ilahi   


and so this song too hold enormous sentimental value, deep down in my heart,  deeper than arteries & vein. if you able to understand..
i guess not.


all this time contagious
i've never been this bored before
is this price i waited for
now with the hours passing
there's nothing left to ensure.

and so collective soul run 'drown' me in with that guitar. don't care the chord is high, the pitch is not right, the strumming patterns runs off here & there, drop me down in the small world of mine.

got a long way to run

raindrops are fallin' on my head
they keep fallin'
but there's one thing i know
the blues they send to meet me
won't  defeat me
it won't be long till happiness come to greet me

bitter or sweeter things
will soon become the memories 
and after all will remain as memories.
'|memory|'

one step closer | one step closer..

the mix & mash of song will come to this. so how does it end?

one step closer. huh.

one | step | closer


all along i believe i'll would find you
time has brought your heart to me.
and that's true.




Wednesday, January 18, 2012

empathy

you can never say never
why we don't know when
time and time again
younger now than we were before..



don't let me go | don't let me go

pls have some empathy if u pleased
u can never say never.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

it's never been easy..

life
is not about waiting for the storm to pass out,
but
to learn dancing in the rain..

learn to soak in the rain, if u believe

and for me i love rain so much
i've learn to dance in the rain too
cause i like it so much standing under the downpouring rain..






so that no one will see me cry.




Sunday, January 1, 2012

1.january.2011

i don't give a damn on new year
so i wouldn't wish happy new year all sort.
just that we've got to realise
umur semakin meningkat, hayat semakin berkurang..

just became 20th 2 months ago.
yet i gotta face 21 today. huhu.
time is the most precious
it is the nearest and it is the most far, from us.
nearest~cause it feels to near & close as if just one moment or second before, like yesterday & today
far~ cause we can't turn back time, what  has happened has become the past, just like a second before.

=).