she

26 june-10.36pm

"awak,boleh terangkan pada saya macam mana nak ikhlaskan hati hanya untuk mencari redha Allah semata. kerana sering kita tersepit di antara manusia?"


Wassalamun alaik sahabat syurga. 

Insya'Allah boleh je selagi kita mampu kita cuba sehabis baik.
Wa jangan risau okey.
Kita nak jadi macam Horatio.
I'll always be here biznillah. Hehe.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Kalau ada yang tersalah sepanjang bicara ini, moga Allah ampunkan dan tunjukkan jalan keluar yang lebih baik.
Aamiin.

Sahabatku sayang,
Apa yang bakal kita kongsikan adlh secara pndgn peribadi.
Jd mungkin akan ada byk kesilpan yang tak kena pada soalan.
Kita mohon maaf atas segala kekurangan.

Ikhlas adlh rahsia Allah yang lahir tnp dapat dilihat.
Ibarat angin, tak dapat dilihat tp sungguh datangnya mendamaikan menyejuk rasa.
Begitulah kedudukan ikhlas dalam hati.
Adkala kita rasakan bhw ini adlh Lillahi Taala, dan aku sudah mncuba seikhlas mungkin.
Namun ada ketika yg lain, akan ada rasa begitu dan begini sehingga menggugat keikhlasan kehambaan itu sndiri.
Memupuk rasa redha dan Lillahi Taala bukanlah hal yang dapat dibina sekelip mata tp percayalah.
Dengan usaha, takde yang sia sia.

Sahabatku sayang,
Bila kita nak tahu kita ikhlas ataupun tak, kita akan rasa tenang dengan apa yang kita buat.
Dan bila kita rasa kehilangan dengan apa yang kita buat, jiwa tetap akan tenang dengan pujukan dari hati, yang bawa kita untuk kembali pd Dia.
Bila ada rasa itu dlm hati, insya'Allah itulah ikhlas yang mendiami diri secara sembunyi. 

Lumrah bila kita lebih banyak memikirkan tentang apa yang bakal manusia fikirkan berbanding pndgn Allah.
Tahu sebabnya?
Kerana manusia dan kata katanya dpt dilihat dan dirasa secara zahirnya tapi pndgn Allah tak dapat dilihat dengan mata.
Tak dapat didengar dengan telinga. Kan? 

Wa jangan risau okey.
Hmpir kebanyakn org mengalami hal yang sama, dalam sedar ataupun di luar sedar.
Untuk masalah ni, mungkin Wa boleh cuba dengan buat benda yang Wa rasa betul, dan ikut gerak hati.
Tak salah menolak, tp insya'Allah bila betul cara kita, org yang menerima pun akan menerima dengan rasa yang betul.
Mksudnya macam bila Wa nak buat sesuatu tp tersepit antara manusia dan Pencipta, Wa tolak la prmintaan tu secara baik.
Na tak nafikan mungkin berat, tp Allah hitung setiap keringat.
Allah nilai setiap titis airmata. (:

Bila bila Wa rasa berat hati, dan rasa susah nak buat pilihan, Wa ambil nafas dalam dalam, dan Wa selawat banyak banyak.
Luaskan pandangan dan insya'Allah, Wa akan rasa lebih lega.
Cubala. (:

Wa, (:
Sahabat mungkin tak seerat talian darah, tapi matlamatnya tetap sama, untuk ke syurga.

*************************************************************************************************

Min fadhli Rabbi. Alhamdulillah syukur sangat. (:
Wa jangan risau okey.
At times, benda yang kita rasa macam tak berapa penting sangat nak ditanya tu lah sebenarnya yang paling byk kita fikirkan.
Bila bila Wa perlukan kita, datanglah lagi.
Mungkin tak dapat ada sekelip mata, tapi insya'Allah selalu ada. (:

Baik baik sahabat sayang.
Fi amanillah daiman~

semoga Allah merahmatimu sahabat. uhibbuki fillah :'). ur short message comfort me all way round. i'm glad Allah has sent me you and although we're far away, u'll always get my doa. 

i love you so much no words can tell.

i want you to complete half of my deen

this is extremely sweet.

assalamualaikum :)

i ask you to be true.

i used to like all mcr song. right now still.

i love songs with beautiful meanings and some kind of emotions and not just a plain stupid lyrics.

'that's why i hate malay mainstream song, it's awful and tangkap muat!' and indie song is better. at least they have their own direction in composing a song.

and my ear drugged right now is cancer, by mcr.

i'm still working on the chords since some are quite hard.most of it are barre chords which put a lot of strength on each verse played. but it was a beautiful song filled with emotions and meaningful lyrics, so i guess it's worth it. maybe sooner or later i'll post one of my song cover, just a plain boring acoustic version since i'll not sing and i'm not made for singing, and of course it is because it isn't permitted in islam :). no doubt.

here.one of my best moments captured and would not want to forget :)

cause the hardest part of this is leaving you...

indonesia love.

dear indonesialove,

the beads and glass

the pieces with almost the same glow

the same enchanting look

that sometimes or most of the times we failed to distinguish

often we regret. after things happen

cause only, after things had happened, then only we can see things clearly.

there is no way to regret, just take it as our life lessons.

those hurtful glass, throw it away, and keep on finding the right pearls.

and keep improving.

moving forward.

dear indonesialove,

 like my previous thinking you seems so small, and you'll vanish like a thin vapour. i guess i've suceed. 

alhamdulillah.

sorry

i talk so much today. most of it hurts.
sorry.
i shouldn't really talk when i am in this condition.
please don't take it to your heart.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.

karma

i don't believe in karma. i take it more as law of nature. hukum alam.
and everything we did no matter whether it is good or bad, we'll ought to get the benefits, or consequences.
indicates the causes and effect, it'll rolling through out life.
still, we can't deny the fact that sometimes we don't get what actually we should get. that is God's willing and meant to be like that for one's own benifit.
okay.  right now i'm not in my right mind. it is the matter of hormone(s) and neurotransmitter(s) and it was difficult to think rationally.wisely. and calmly.
i thought i don't pay much attention on something but i did. i hope it is because of the excess hormones because i really thought i've deal with it. sure enough you can see how unstable my mind is, through my writing. (i don't see any wrong of talking about hormones here, i'm a medical student, all those things are my food.)
i don't know if it is just me, or anything, but i am so down today. i am dissapointed of myself feeling dissapointed.


today will pass, tomorrow will come. even better.

rationalized.

be rational.
rationalized your deed.
being a woman/girl/female doesn't let you to do and act like a typical girl usually did.
emotional and sensitive.
be rational. try to be one.

look what you've done, you made a fool of everyone. my current song aired in the head with guitar strumming.

assalamualaikum.

ya Rabbul Izzati,
sudah ku tahu hanya redhaMu yang perlu ku cari
tapi hatiku masih degil menafikan duniawi, terkadang lalai mencari redha sang hamba
ya Rahman,
sudah ku tahu semuanya akan pergi dan hanya Kau di sisi
masih aku begitu mengharapkan kasih dan sayang manusiawi
ya Rahim,
sudah ku tahu sementaranya dunia ini, seprti sisipan air di dalam gelas
tak terbanding dengan lautan dunia
begitu singkat masa mencari bekal di sini, mengapa aku masih berdiam diri?
ya Muhaimin,
sudahku pasti indahnya mencari cintaMu yang hakiki
kenapa aku masih mengharapkan yang lain untuk berteduh dan menumpang kasih?
ya Razak,
memang ku tahu Kau sebaik-baik penolong
mengapa aku masih gentar dengan tajamnya duri dunia?
ya Tuhanku,
ampunkan hambamu ini.

"sesungguhnya pelindungku adalah Allah yang telah menurunkan kitab (Al-Quran). Dia melindungi orang-orang saleh,"

Al-A'raf:196

hhard.

the good thing about feeling stupid is next u'll struggle to overcome that so called stupid feeling.
oh yes, toleration. i don't know if i come to that stage but surely i'll tried. i don't even know if i've succeed or not.
it's just that when i tend to tolerate,  i realise that the harder i've tried,  i've become more fragile, my heart soften that  my eyes can easily become teary, upon carrying the burden of 'toleration'. despite the ego i hold so much days back then, i couldn't cry easily. like. right. now. i'm not sure whether it's a good thing,. or not.

so the  same question keep coming in my head without answers. sometimes i hope there're somebody out there taht can reveale the answer. clearly. let me understand.
the question is 
" how do we become strong without being rough, and remain soft without being weak?"
do u know the answer?tell me then.

pst: you're so hard to approach. i'll try no more. it's not that i'm giving up, i just knew that i meant to stand out, instead of fitting in. :)

at night when the stars light up my room

i sit by myself

talking to the moon

trying to get to you

in hope you on the other side, talking to me too.

my weaklings

hey the weaklings in me, the hatred in my heart, the bothered face easily shown, the silly improper words spurted,
off you may go.
i've decided to take one further step(S) ahead (even if i might fall back)
i've decided not to let this weaklings of mine have full authority to control myself.
i've decided not to think of unsignificant things over and over again (like i always did)
i've decided to overcome these awkward moment even if i might embarrassed myself.
even if i'm torn
even if i'm tear out into pieces
even if my small heart broke into thousand pieces
even if my sensitive cardium been poked so many times, wounded, and healed.
i'm going to move on.
yes, i want to challenge myself. to let myself out from this comfort situation.
like a bird come out from the cage, won't be fed, yet feed herself.
it's okay to fall and cry and hurt and grieve and be in pain.
it's okay to choose these path which might injured every parts of my me, in and out.
as long as it will only build my soul, my extraordinary soul.and will only let me become stronger.
i want to let go what shoudn't be mine
i want to get over with my stupidity after all (and only myself knew what i'm talking about)
i want to get rid of these greediness, these jealousy, and mountains of bad deeds.
i want to shake off this worthless pride, in which i claimed as one.
and i want to get rid of you.
yes, so that's it.
i'm out of this comfort zone.

i don't want to hope, it will only bring dissapointment. except to You, the Almighty.

assalamualaikum.


esok dah start class. new system. new boundaries. as another typical 3rd year medical student.
tapi aku ade azam baru, mcm system(S)  before pn ade azam baru jugak.
tapi kali ni aku ubah sikit
lepas ni bukan nak stadi rajin, strive for excellence, pointer tetinggi semua tu.
tapi nak lebih ikhlas dalam menuntut ilmu Allah.
only then i'll get what i want.
:)


ya Rabb, may You ease everything. enlighten our path brightly with barakah and endless love..
aamin.

here i go again.

when i have so much to say. so much to write on, i ended up type nothing.

it is a complete embarrassment to let myself busy with dunya things. that will never end. 

will.never.end

so when i think again. i backspace everything.

just a glimpse. i just hope i can left my heart here in motherland .,

and take it back when it has completely settled down and neutral just before i return to bandung.

can I?

choosing random

hye. hari ni aku nak taip banyak2.

1. first, geram dengan toolbar atas ni. dekat tab gugel chrome. sbb toolbar ni aku x nampak title post. yang menyebabkan aku kurang berminat nak tulis belog. macammane nak remove macammane nak remove?*sigh*


2. second, dah sebulan cuti aku masih belum dapat mengawal baran. oh panas panas. mengawal marah itukan cerminan iman sendiri? aduhh. :(


3. third, aku dah beli specko. dan spek yang aku pilih sgt nerdy dan aku yang nerd ni nmpk sgt2 nerd bile memakainye. -__-. lepas cek mata kat optometrist, rabun aku tak banyak pun. tapi sbb mate aku x stabil plus maybe sbb aku juling (tahu x aku juling?), so eyes burden increase. sbb tu mate cpt watery plus sakit kepale bahagian occipital. btw ade satu rahsie aku nak bgtau. act sebulan sebelum cuti dan exam sebelum balik malaysia hari tu, aku mmg xnmpk ape yang kat slide. seriouslayy. -____-"" btw ade satu spek tu bingkai die lawo. ade corak kat tepi mcm kewl2 gitu. yela kalau nak beli yang frame levi's original mmg xberduit la. tp yang tadi tu sgt kewl tapi sbb ia merosakkan tudung aku, aku terpakse menolaknye ke tepi.


4. fourth, laptop ni lembap. av xde. susahnye nak edit video. *sobs*


5. fifth, lately aku selalu tgok drama korea. dah xde kerje kan.dan waktu terbaik untuk tgok kdrama adalah selepas pukul 12 mlm. why? sbb eha dah tido dan die x boleh kacau aku dan aku pn dah xpayah mengamuk mcm singa betina. *sigh*. lepas subuh baru aku tido. mcm sekarang, jadual tido dah bertuka. malam berjage siang tido smp pukul 11. ok mmg x senonoh. dan lepas bangun terus mandi untuk mengelakkan pening.. lepas mandi makan. lepas makan makan kudap2 pulak. dan berat terus bertambah dan bertambahh... *double sigh*


6. sixth, bapak dan pak uih tolong surveykan gitar letrik untuk aku. the best price and quality aku bley dpt adalah rm350 sebijik. aku rase quite cheap lah kan. tapi tuh x masuk amp. amp is amplifier btw. tengoklah duit mcmmane nnt. semua duit aku dah habis dibelanjekan buat tiket flight. yelah kunun bajet cool xnak mintak duit kat makbapak. sekarang aku mcm pengemis dalam rumah. tulah nak cool sgt. rasekan rasekan.


7. seventh, ni sambung pasal drama korea. haha. aku selalu rase mcm xpuas hati plus nak bergaduh dgn director for most of kdrama i've watched. sbbnye aku selalu tak puas hati sbb hero kedua yang aku rase selalunye lebih cool selalu x menang. meh aku listkan untuk tunjukkan ke-childish-an aku bile tgok cerite2 cenggini. kenape good man slalu kalahhh???? -_-"
a) hanakimi (aku sll rase nakatsu perlu mng! ishk)
b) my girl (lee joon ki tuh  sikit pye baik kenapa si bodoh lee da hae tu nak tgok LDW je? grrr)
c) the moon that embraces the sun ( jung ill woo aka yang myung gun tuh sepatutnye dpt si yeon u.T.T. dah lah tuh die mati plak last2. *emo2*)


8. eighth, esok aku akan bertolak ke KL pagi2. aku harap itu bukan janji melayu aku sendiri. *sambil mengerling ke arah jam, pukul 3.03 am dan aku masih belum tidur*


9. ninth, aku masih belum beli kasut. mungkin org x percaye tp kasut di bandung kebanyakannya hanya bertahan seminggu sahaja untuk aku. maybe kaki aku ade pisau kot. dan kasut the latest yang aku gune untuk balik aritu hayatnye cume 2 hari sebelum terputus. *sigh*


10. the meaning of yeon u is soft rain. sweetnye name tu. i love everything about rain. raindrops, honeydew rain, raining cats and dogs. teringat satu scene dalam heartstring waktu PSH dgn yong hwa hulurkan tapak tangan nak rase hujan jatuh kat palms.kalau bace manga pun selalu ade scene memory yang berkait rapat dgn hujan. rain=memories. :).

goodnight and sweet dreams. assalamualaikum.