ES YD.

i shipped them from the very beginning. although i didn't like shin hye that much. *giggle*

been wanting to do something like this. next perhaps.




argh. why do i always stucked with the scond lead?
because it always is and had always been. 1st lead is so cliche and too mainstream.

insecure

my head was dizzy.

i felt like i was lost in the world of nowhere.

it feels like i left something behind.

maybe i should drink more water after this

sometimes i felt so not included, felt empty, isolated, greyness

as if part of me was missing

and the sad part is, i don't even know which of me part that went missing

but baby me. who am i whining to..

maybe i'm actually loss, far from Him

Allahu Allah. :'(

congratulation.

i'm happy for you girl 
who would hv thought ur highschool-liking thingys would hv come towards something as seriously as this?
it's a secret and i'm glad u let me know
at least i wouldn't be shock that much when the time comes
barakallah my dear ABLA's lovelies
like how we met up the day before when the first ABLA'S entering her 'new life' and joked who would be next
turn out to be it's u my dearie
i am more than happy
i pray He would smoothen things for u & him.
until that time, pls continue protecting ur imaan.. :)

pst: nak jd bridesmaid leh? :P heee

maybe i don't really like the songs.
maybe i just hear it because you love it.
and end up liking it.

everything you touch surely dies.

all i need

sometimes i let something not so important bugging off my mind
that i just wanna slap myself on the face, hit it hard so that i'll finally realise
in the end, none of those things matter

just breath, and survive.

and alive.

earthlings and earththings..

that very part of my heart,
if you can wreck it up open,
you'll know how guilty i am.
how miserable i am as a person
for all these times.
sometimes things are just inevitable.
but fair enough
that's just a lame excuse of mine.




my sincere apology.
to those i hurt unconsciously (or consciously).

backagain.

been wanting to come up with something new; as i 've owned new lappy now. sadly, the pre render video wasn't in impressive hd setting. thus, i cn only be happy with 480p after fully rendered of more or less than 20 minutes.

this is a sign of passion ;). don't blame me for wasting time like this. tsk.

again, pls watch in 480p video quality (which means in case u don't know, click on the gear-look at the right bottom of the utube vid, change 480p)-that's the best it can do btw.

one thing, i am never a fan of david archuleta. turns out to be this is the only most suitable bgm for parakiss scene (hiks) i've had in my playlist.    

oh and i found this one lovely fanmade vid. i've already download it-for my personal collections. someday, i'm gonna do something like this. after i fix this rendering issue, perhaps.

till next time.

4th day of posting.

Have u ever got that feeling, of watching two lovelies ;  a woman, as bloom as ever can she be, lying on the bed halfly pushed in front counter, with  next-I’ll-be-going-to-OT attire wrapped on her body, with sweat right on her forehead and those below nose, holding hand  with a man beside her, (likely her other half) waiting to be taken by the nurse in charge to the labour room. The man is whispering sweet something to her ear, with overflowing supports, affections and infinite loves, knowing that her queen will eventually deliver one (or maybe two) precious gem(s) that will definitely, enlighten both of their life. I mean, how sweeter could it be to have someone beside us, someone that is always there, with never ending hopes-giving and support in times of great or worries. Someone that shares their life with us and completes each other world, making it fascinating jaw-dropping rainbow colours days together onwards that others would never have understand.

This is not a damn fairy tale u read in books or the bedside story u often heard when u’re small-that because of the excruciating boredom, u eventually fell asleep. This is not a fiction some famous director created, to feed on hungry love-sick watchers that probably have nothing better to do than spending their time in front of television. Indeed, this is the reality. I saw that very scene in the morning, when it was just my 4^th day in ONG posting (obstetrics & gynaecology). The moment of extradoses diabetes mellitus-inducing glucogenic agent keep flowing in ur circulation, right towards ur head. Unconsciously, u were smiling before u even knew it, watching those bonds that can only be felt after marriage. (Otherwise, it wouldn’t be considered as sweet).

Notes: Ya Allah, pls give me healthiness in both physically & mentally, stronger soul, and determination so that I can always be enthusiastic in this world of giving. Aamin. :')

five or ten years to go.

I made this not-so-long time ago when I still have time to lie around and wandering still. Apparently, I got all blues and melancholy stuff running through my mind and ended up spending times doing this in the middle of the night, with wind blowing breezily right onto my face. I have no idea how it became blurred when I uploaded in utube, so forgave me for that. Perhaps I should learn converting videos to hd for the time being. But if u by chance wish to watch clearer version, skype me anytime!

I just wanted u guys to know deep down inside, even if we denied it, we’re bonded by something extraordinary called… friends.

I love you guys, seriously. J

song by the fray: viena 

latenightjot.

honestly, right now i'm fighting with myself; in which either to write a post, eat instant noodles curry flavour or lay back and relax reading novel-lost for words by lorelei mathias. in the end, here i am, typing unnecessary stuffs, pretending to do a little a bit of thinking when actually what i was doing was staring at the monitor, waiting for the words to flow from the brain.--".

as everyone had already aware, i am currently doing my clinical years, 3 years to go to grad (in sha Allah and aamin-please pray for us btw), clerking patients like all-of-us-know-how attitude and giving the best smile i've ever had to the patients, doctors, nurses as well as hospital staff. of course, sometimes i am at that position too, things you called as at delirious state, not knowing what to do. the awkwardness of being in the middle of everybody who busily doing something. and with white coat hanging on the body and stethoscope wrapped inside the pocket, claimed yourself as medical students but in fact, don't really know what were actually you hv had to do there.

but of course, bit by bit, getting grasp of the whole situation. starting to have clearer point of views of aims and to-do-things. all we have to do is to put ourselves in the humbleness, so that we'll be fully exposed & ready for any knowledge and lessons to be teach by various teachers-no matter who they are. could be they are the doctors, the professors, the nurses, the patients or even the cleaners. we're not gonna go anywhere if we're not willing to drown ourselves in this sea of humbleness. set aside the ego, throw it away somewhere it could never be found, ever again! of course, diligent, determination, respect and PRACTICES do make a lot of differences. knowledge too-as what miss nani always said.

  the last one is a present.to my current vitamin-21 years old chinese guy with sweet smile.LOL:P

and like a petal that's fallen from a dying flower, i fell for you knowing it'd never work out anyways. -ws-

haha.
i just love the quote very much. ignore the last statement. =P

.

over my head

it will be good if i get to walk alone like how i usually did back then when i was still in bandung.

now everything seems far & faded away

there was a time i stood alone at the roundabout somewhere in mulana

thinking how i would miss this moment when it ends

and stand back at the balcony

watching the blue sky with fluffy cotton candy clouds

or sometimes on purpose walking leisurely outside

when it rain

to feel, to hear, and to see the rain

with no worries. without any other else to accompany me

it feels right that way

but not here

i am afraid to walk alone

i feel suffocated, the outside world are cruel and horrible

not saying that there were no crimes at jatinangor

but it feels much safer there

i could go alone and return alone

i could be independent on myself

now i could only stand

beside the windows pane

turning on my most favourite songs on the playlist

withe a cup of tea on the table

looking out right through the window

but still being aware of strangers outside

waiting for the rain

and smiling.

joted.

since i could'nt bring myself to sleep lately, i think it's probably because of i spend too much time sleeping in the evening. and i'm wide awake at night. this is not healthy, technically. and i woke up to find out someone inbox me.

and never once this crossed my mind. anak andy flop poppy msg ak weh. lol. actually, i was the one who sent  message to him first, but as lame as what i wrote, i never thought he actually cared to reply. don't worry, the message wasn't that typical of what girl(s) fan usually came up with, it was more to advices from a sister to her little brother though. :)

guess that's all. oh yeah, here in cheras, it rain almost everyday in the evening, which kind of giving me that soothing feeling enwrapped in calmness and serenity. i really love it the fact that i could look out of the window, and watch the downpouring rain, and sometimes put my palm outside just to feel the beads. it was a definite beautiful. in some points, it reminds me of how it actually felt in bandung, back then. :)

i'm done with too much writing. gotta sahur now. assalamualaikum :)

how to calculate POA by EDD. :)

assalamualaikum. since i got really excited of discovering this tonight, i decided to blog this. i hope at the very least, this will help some of us including myself. they said, if you're able to teach others on something, it means you really understand it.

so basically, for the concept.
POA=period of amenorrhea.
EDD=estimated delivery date
DOV=date of visit

let's say:

1) LMP=26/12/12
    DOV=27/8/13
    EDD=2/10/13 (just insert the formula from naegle's rule-LMP+(+7(d)-3(m) +1(y) ). seriously i don't think you guys will hv problem with this. simple maths calculation. :)
    POA= ? 

basically, they're two ways to calculate the POA.

a) LMP BASED
POA
= DOV-LMP
=  27/08/13 [DOV]
   -26/12/12 [LMP]
     1d 8m
convert to weeks:
=(8x4)w + 2w +5d + 1d
=34w+6d

 if you're not sure why i added up the 2w it's because for every 3 months you hv to add up 1 week (REFER TO PIC ABOVE). thus, because it is 8 months, means you have 2 times of 3 months in 8 months, you hv to add up a total of 2 weeks into the calculation.for the addition of 5d.

and the final answer u'll get is POA=34w + 6d

b)EDD BASED
POA
-first, manually count the days from DOV to EDD; in which:
DOV[27/8/13] to EDD[2/10/13]=4d+30d+2d
                                                  =36d
                                                  convert to weeks/36d divide by 7
                                                   =5w 1d
                                                   =40w -(5w 1d)
                                                   =34w + 6d
 -basically u'll hv 5w 1d from DOV to the estimated date of delivery(EDD). since usually EDD will be exactly 280 days or 40 weeks, thus, u can simply substract 5w 1d from 40w to get POA! this is so much simpler and highly recommended to use if the DOV is nearer to EDD, but of course, u can use either way, the one you found easier with better understanding.
-well, you might be asking why is the answer 34w+6d instead of 35w+1d. by right, you should get 35w+1d if you simply substract it using usual ordinary addition substraction methods. it's really hard to explain in words, but let me just give you another short example.
 let say if your EDD (23/8/13) & ur DOV (20/8/13). By right, u'll get 3days from DOV to EDD. so, if you wanted to count the POA using the EDD BASED method with usual maths substraction step, you'll end up like this.
POA=40w-(0w +3d)
        =40w+3d
-this is definitely wrong since the total EDD is only 40 weeks. the correct way is actually:
POA=40w-(0w+3d)
        =39w+4d
-by logic, i'm sure you hv no problem figuring out how on earth i ended up putting 39w+4d as the answer,. OR BETTER, I always substract it like this.
using the example from above:

DOV[27/8/13] to EDD[2/10/13]=4d+30d+2d
                                                  =36d
                                                  convert to weeks/36d divide by 7
                                                   =5w 1d
                                                   =39w 7d - (5w 1d) ; instead of using 40 weeks, convert it to 39 w 7d
                                                   =34w + 6d



well then, i shall get my sleep now. remember, practice makes perfect. so just came up with any dates and try to calculate the EDD & POA and compare it with ur friends. trust me, this helps!

hope this helps. anything just comment below k:)

#ramadhan #morning #sleepy #drowsiness

assalamualaikum.

pernah terfikir kenapa bile kita sedih, kite nak menangis. lepas menangis, biasenye kite rase letih dan mengantuk lepas tu tertidur. bila tersedar, alhamdulillah semuanya da okay. konfem kan? not sure bout you guys but pretty sure this happen to most of the girls. memandangkan kebanyakan perempuan ni mmg kaya dgn air mata. (eh?). haha.tadi baru lepas surah al-anfal. and here goes the answer.

surah al-anfal,ayat 11.

(Ingatlah) ketika kamu diliputi perasaan mengantuk sebagai satu (pemberian) aman dari Allah (untuk menghapuskan kecemasan kamu). Dan (ingatlah ketika) Ia menurunkan kepada kamu hujan dari langit untuk mensucikan kamu dengannya dan menghapuskan dari kamu gangguan Syaitan, dan juga untuk menguatkan hati kamu dan menetapkan dengannya tapak perdirian (kamu di medan perjuangan).

(tafsir ar-Rahman)

terasa sgt sweet Allah di situ. <3.teringat pernah cakap kat sahabat pasal ayat ni tapi waktu tu lupe ayat surah yg mane satu.. Allahurabbi --". sekarang dah jpe balik. alhamdulillah. jadi kesimpulannya, mengantuk ni adalah one way yg Allah kurniakan untuk bg kite ketenangan.. :). subhanallah. tapi janganlah kite bantai tido sepanjang mase kan.. 

(untuk pemahaman yg lebih lanjut drpd yg lebih ahli^_^)

hari ni hari last ramadhan untuk tahun ni. semoga kita insan yang lebih baik selepas keluar dr ramadhan ni. in sha Allah. ya Rabbi temukan aku dah keluargaku di ramadhan-ramadhan yang akan datang. Ramadhan yg masih berbaki ni kite sprint byk lg ok. sebab hidup di dunia ni hanya untuk cari redha-Nya:)

  pst: smalam subuh hujan kat taiping smp pagi. subhanallah. :'). rase melankolia sgt. terase bandung-feel sgt2. T_T

buzzer beat.

so i came up to a point of doing this. actually it's been a long time since the last time i used vegas vid editor. this is because my lappy doesn't allow me to do editing work. well what could i say, i got a small ram with unqualified processor here. :P but due to i really love all the dramatic scense shown in the jdrama, despite how slow it could be, i'm patient enough to go thru almost everything and voila. here it is. i rendered it 3 times. it wasn't that impressive but i am satisfied for the fact that i've put every beautiful moments together  into a 4 minutes vid. the running scene was fantastic, you know the moment you finally realized you couldn't afford to lose something (or someone) because of something else. and at that point, you have to know your priorities. in order to get something better, you have to let go something else in return. this is some of the good values i've outline from the drama. frankly speaking, i love the story line, how they put both art and sport characters together, except for several adult scenes. --"

besides. the ost is awesome. i enjoy fun, strong with passion audio beats. i always thought that it would make up a really dramatic video if been put up well. and the lyrics. modified a bit by me. just to make it sound pretty.;)

"You only really know a fraction of me"
like when you laugh during my triumph
Your deep voice that I feel as if I heard before I was born
It's enough to serve as the side dish of my life

It's impossible to know absolutely everything
Why is it, then?
That we are so determine to conquer everything...
And desperately seek for perfection
if that's the one point you love, than.. it's fine

Even if it's only one small part of you...
I'm certain it's something I'll adore more than anything
Like the way you knit your eyebrows when you're stressed
Or the serenity i felt when i held you in my arms

If we think we've grasped everything of each other...
We'll surely hurt each other again
What we really need is the wonderful sensation from touching each other (Oh, you're the one)
Having even one point we can continue loving each other with, is enough

Something that only you know (I can't tell)
Something that only I can see (You never know)
They're all real

The fact that everything is a part of something
Why don't we realize it?
If you've found a reason to love someone...
Don't let it be lost (Oh, you're the one)
Having even one point we can continue loving each other with is enough
It's really enough

random ptg.

wahh.. ramadhan smp raya ni mmg musim membina masjid. member baiik aku, batchmate, schoolmate semue nak menamatkan zaman bujang masing-masing. rasa sesak nafas kejap tgok berjenis-jenis undangan baitul muslim kat fb ni. Allahurabbi. alhamdulillah, jodoh mereka smp awal. belum kire lg yg dah bertunang, erm mmg x terbilang dgn jari. ak tumpang gembira. ye la, umur 22, bukannya muda sgt pn. dah cantik dah kalau2 nak menyempurnakan sunnah tu :). ape2 pn, barakallah dicuapkan kpd sume mmber2 ak terutama bespren ak nih. ak tau lame dah dr tahun lepas.die geng aku kat maktab dulu, ABLA. tak sangke plak byk plak schoolmate aku yang pada masa yg sama pn nak berbaitul muslim jgak. heeee..kenyang nasik minyak la ak lepas kenyang rendang ngn tupat. apa2 pun, institusi ramadhan dah capai separuh bulan, dah 15 ramadhan. lepas ni dah masuk fasa ke-2 lah. keni giat lagi. kene tekun lg. kena kerah lg. carikla malam seribu bulan tu. IA. td ak baru habis latihan kereta kat TSDC.,alhamdullillah, dah semakin okay kawal stereng, main clutch, imbang minyak bagai. kire agak konfiden di situ nak bawak keta sorang (dalam tamanlah).. haha. nak bawak kat jalan raya, Allahurabbi, mungkin kena latihan lg. JPJ motor ak ditunda tp iA, biiznillah, boleh lulus. lepas ni bolela hurung moto bawak balik ukm. keta mungkin x kot. dalam perkiraan ak JPJ test kereta ak paling awal pn bulan 9. tu pun kena carik lg cuti. nak dijadikan story, lepas habis2 belaja kereta tu, ak dok lua pagar tsdc. kelihatan pakcik makcik dah sesiap bukak pasar ramadhan mini dah. mata sibuk pandang setiap calon keluar dr gate dgn pengajar kat sebelah. leka2 ak tgok tu, ade satu kereta ni, calon die cina, cikgu dia cina gak. tp... MUDA & . dlm hati pikiaq, eh bile plak TSDC hire pengajar muda belia ni yg ak agak2 maybe dlm lingkunagn 25-28. dahlah tu rambut cacak2 ala-ala jpop siap pakai spek hitam lg.T.T". tetibe bibir dah tersengih mcm kerang busuk, eh boleh plak cuci mate kat sini. rezeki2. dlm hati istighfar smbil sebut "jaga mata nadwa, jaga mata" tp mata dok tgok gak cikgu tu lol. maybe kaum bukan sebangsa ni lebih menarik kot nak ditengok. ishk. opps. oklah nak bersiap2 mandi pastu lepak2 kat pasar ramadhan sat. doakan ak lulus cemerlang test JPJ naa. assalamualaikum. footnote: nebes. abis ramadhan, raye tibe. abis raye daftar ukm pule. Allahurabbi,permudahkanla ak & membe2. kurniakan la kesihatan dn smgat yg kuat kpd kami. aaminn.

jadian

smggu dgr lagu ni sepanjang lerja kat tesco.
dah seminggu tercarik2 title lagu ni.
smp tadi siap tye laluan nak pegi broadcasting room nak tanye tajuk lagu ni,
akhirnye....

:). malam ni lena tidur. heee.

day-ly.

it's 10.23pm. i'm still struggling with the 4 enormous gate, put up in square to close the kiosk.i turned to left and right, most of the kiosk owner has already settled home. luckily, takasima member were still there. kak F and J, the chinese guy came and approached me.

"alahai kesiannye adik aku ni," 

kak F said, looking at me struggling with the lock and key. lol. i claimed to her it was tiring. this was due to i still got customer at 10.10pm. and still, i have 'bank-in-money' to do, upstairs- that has made me late in closing the kiosk.

J, the chinese guy then said to me,

"you baru 1st time ke buat ni? takpe, kitaorang tunggu you.." with his mix manglish accent, he spoke to me. it was his first time talking to me, i guessed.

i smiled broadly saying "takpe2.. balik je". and the next thing i knew they were quarelling of who's gonna be the one closing Takasima shop for that day. lol. there were fighting like cats and dogs, and that wasn't the first time i saw it. --"

at last, kak F did it. J is the manager, so i'm pretty sure kak F is the one who suppose to do that job. then i heard kak F asked J ,

"you buat ape lg kat sini? baliklaa.." with a high pitch voice. l-ike how he usually talks to him,,

"haiyaaa... tunggu diala,". lol.i'm  touched again over simple thingys. i'm not sure what kak F replied but the last thing i knew they both left..the moment i finished locking,  mom and dad arrived from upstairs, pushing the trolley filled quarter half with groceries. i smiled, grabbed my bag and return home.

opah.

opah. she's staying with us for several days. trying my best to be a good granddaughter, i spend some times chatting with her, get her what she need, asking her if she ever need something or if she's hungry,and then fetch her some food. opah is currently 76 years old, she couldn't see well now. but still, she's able to see if things are in appropriate distance. 

i sat beside opah. she was holding tasbih, smiled broadly looking at me. i was concerned since she spent most of the times in her room. i even asked her to come out, and watch television. of course, she refused telling me  how she can't see clearly now. plus, watching tv is a waste of time. i can't help but being bothered by the fact she might be uncomfortable, or bored since she only stays in her room.

politely, i asked. "opah nak ape2 tak? magazine ke? ape ke?"

"eh toksah2.. opah taknak ape2."

"opah duduk dlm bilik je dr tadi. tak bosan ke? opah buat ape je dari tadi tak kluar2 dr bilik ni?"

"xde bosannye wawa..opah zikir semua mane bosannye. kamu pikior la wawa, kelmarin, lepas solat, biasanye kite pegang quran.lepas maghrib, isyaq, semua.  sekarang mate opah dah xnampak, sedih sgt. awak bukanle tahfiz. tapi tu la, opah hari-hari dok ulang ulang surah yang same. yang mane yang opah ingat. rindu sgt nak bace quran.."

-perak accent : kelmarin=dulu-dulu. awak=saya -

i was touched, and yes, i did really feel sad. i asked opah if by chance i could get her mp3 which i will insert all surah into it so that she can replay everytime she want to hear or recite al-quran.

but of course, she gently refused. opah has a habit that she don't want to burden anybody including her own children. she always tell me that she hoped she wouldn't end up having alzheimer disease, nyanyuk, everything because she knows how much trouble that can be to her daughter and son. that's why she always refused to stay in my aunts and uncles house, and prefer staying in hers although i knew deep in heart, she might felt lonely. who will not? finishing the remaining last time of life alone by herself. late atok has gone so many years ago, back when i was still in primary school. since then, she's been by herself in kampung. although mak pah(aunt) was nearby, still not being in the same house wouldn't make a big different. 

when i looked at opah, i can't help but remeber what Allah has told us in surah Al-Asr. 

"by time, verily man is in loss."

stocking pagi.

lepas tgok citer KIL semalam, ak semacam rindu ngn lagu ni. so pagi ni lepas subuh lansung pasang!

ak suke estranged ni. band ni ade influence radiohead etc kalau tgok dr pembawaan musik, yeps. read me. this is one local band with excellent music at the level of international in both song's quality and mv. so do KIL. seronok tgok pengarah muda nik amir mustafa lari dr the burden of stupid cliche malay film for ages. lepas KAMI, could say this can be proud of. other than GHOST (8TV). and untuk clip ni, ak suke setting die. yes ak tau mcm ade copy2 sikit dr fanmade creep (radiohead), tp ape slhnye kalau it turns out as good as this kan? ade byk mv yg copy sana copy sini tp resultnye ntah hapeh2. and btw, ak suke minah ni. she did gave me a good impression the first time i saw her in this. ak suke die x poyo gedik mcm actress lain. klu ak jadi laki mesti ak suke minah ni. lol.--"

pst: lg satu ak suke gile storyline mv ni. mcm awesome plotted fairy tale. hahah. dah stgi mengarut ak. ok assalamualaikum:)

pavlovatriflecookingstuffie.

assalamualaikum.

i've been leaving this blog for so long. actually, i couldn't find something interesting to write.literally, it means i'm too lazy to write. plus. i was busy watching all kinds of cooking show on television. u named it. cupcake wars, masterchef celebrity, topchef, 5 rasa, cook to market and also dumex nutrisi at tv3 whatever it is called. it's like i'm being addicted to it. well, to give it a think, it's kind of funny when my fav program on television are all about cooking stuff and sort when my cooking skill is very poor. lol --".

don't worry much. i'm currently making progress on that. been helping mak everyday in the kitchen lately. she even trusted me to do some vegetables dish for our guest. (although she whine a bit when my cooking doesn't smells as good as hers). well i don't blame mak, she always wants the best for her guest. it's sunnah btw.

 “ Rasulullah SAW bersabda: Sesiapa yang beriman dengan Allah dan hari kiamat, maka janganlah dia menyakiti tetangganya. Dan sesiapa yang beriman dengan Allah dan hari kiamat, hendaklah dia memuliakan tetamunya. Dan sesiapa yang beriman dengan Allah dan hari kiamat, hendaklah dia berkata yang baik atau diam.” -Hadih riwayat muslim

and then just now, couple of minutes ago, i've just finished watching masterchef celebrity. this program is like my everyday schedule. tipu sgt, masterchef ade 4 hari je. sabtu smp sls. what i'm trying to say is, i've never even once miss this program since i came back from indonesia. thanks to my sissy, she's the one who's been influencing me on this kind of thing. and just now, they're making pavlova. whoop. i previously watched the recipe in FL's blog,  their pavlova looked just nice and cutey mutey superlicious to-melt-in-the mouth but i must say fatin liyana's won it all. hahah. just take a look at hers and compare. :P

FL's pavlova >> http://honeykoyuki.blogspot.com/2013/04/resipi-pavlova.html

so i want to outline how i've been dying to try out this trifle recipe. but nothing seems to boost me off. luckily, this previous masterchef ep seems to open up my eyes, and blow it right there through my heart, and now i am super ready to give it a go. :)

lemme just paste the link right here.
http://dapurcomelku.blogspot.com/2009/09/puding-trifle.html
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Lemon-Whipped-Cream-234449

i'll make sure to post some photos when i've succeed. okay then. let's have a beautiful holiday, guys.

yummylicious trifle. gonna try with some lemon whipped cream because i'm not really a fan of extrasweet thingys. :3

till then. assalamualaikum.

date.

today i'm having a date with my dearest gf, a convent girl. she used to be my companion eversince standard six.we grew up together, cut hair with the same emo style back then, hang out evry evening and watch all the cute boys (if any) with their bike during my lower form time, and sharing all those stupid embarassing childish girl stuff as well as hvg sleepover like mad almost every month. oh yeah, she's the one who ride on my motorbike with me, turn out to be i crashed it somewhere and both of us fell down on the road. luckily we're both save and uninjured. (except for the minor cut at her heel --")

so we've been lost in contact for almost 3 years. and now we're back together. hehe.

so here she is. :). i blurred myself bcause it feels wrong to show others how we selca-ing or camwhoring. --".

it'll be better if the cardboard dummy is 'uri yong yong' instead of  KHJ.. --". (pun boleh..)

so we did all these girly stuff chatting to pay for the 3 years stories she hasn't told me about. lol. i'm being a convent girl again. sometimes i felt myself changed according to type of friends i befriend with. it was totally different days back then, mrsm friends, matriks, and now.. still. i love all of them :). they're unique and special, in their own way.

phoro from the previous coffee date with maya & syera. captured by maya. :) edit by me. told her how i love the angle of this picture.. :3

last but not least, yeayy. i finally see the light in my part time work. i'm waiting for the call. pls call me, pls call me,pls call me. :). till then.

:)

i accidentally go through my lappy and found this. :')

:')

urge.

i have this sudden unexplain urge to watch this scene again.

after all, this is the one and only scene i remembered from that drama

maybe it wasn't that scene after all

maybe it was in my dream

the feeling of touching the raindrops and having million thoughts in mind at one time

i've been in one

drops. and beads.

 serene.

:). <3

but i could ensure, it was all beautiful.

have you touch the raindrops? please try, someday then.

again.

dip my head down in the water

and let the splash hit my head

the eyes got blur

and when i open it, all i could see is the blue sky.

and the cotton candy cloud.

 the same thought came.

lingering in my head.

when will i stop seing your back?

hello

i hear no sound and story
i see no faces
i just hope you're doing fine
and happy.

last farewell

to leave bandung forever
to leave and not returning back, probably
to find out my journey here has come to an end
make it so hard not to tear

i knew the road ahead is still far away
i got long way to go
we got long way to go
but somehow part of me will always include
the beautiful bittersweet bandung memoirs
and in my story
there'll always be them
and those faces
and those moments
those things that makes me smile unintentionally

and as we wave our long goodbye
and not looking at each other eyes
i wonder if anything will change between us all
or will it stay the same
will it?

they say don't grieve at parting
so i wouldn't
but even if time pass by
and i finally see those smile again
the time here will never fade in my mind.

kav 42 mulana.4.00am WIB.27 april 2013

so if it's going to be beautiful, how beautiful will it be?

a little note

i'll be sitting for GUS remedial the day after tomorrow. i discussed it with several doctors. i just highlight what i heard from one of the noble dr i've known; dr Ike. one lovely strong hearted women, whom right now living with only one kidney:'). she advised me to sit for remedial exam MDE with good soca marks. but she pointed out that it doesn't mean i shouldn't take exam with poor soca marks, it's just that the chances to increase my grade is harder and smaller. i'm kind of dissapointed since i didn't do quite well in GUS but my soca wasn't that good as well. (i got C+ for GUS). in the end, i put one tick in RESP system remedial exam. 

going home, i think much. i take a good look in my marks and do some counting. and then i ended up texting doc tina. my friend did help me a lot, support me in everything i do. 

and there go my decision.

"doc bisa ga saya nambah subjek?" 

a replied came, fast. "bisa. mau nambah apa?"

my face brighten. i was delighted to hear how pleased doc tina was, hearing such from me. 

"mau nambah GUS dan PHOP 6 doc. :) makasih doc"

i did that not because i'm not satisfied, nor i want to increase my pointer so badly. it is just because of my own satisfaction. at the very least, i've given my best, isn't it. yang lain2 tu belakang kira, semua urusan Dia kan? i'm the only one who sit for phop 6. LOL. 

and alhamdulillah, it is still fresh in my mind the time my face turn white my hands cold and shaky knowing the soca result will burden my mde marks during judicium 1. and beautifully,  He has planned everything unexpectedly perfect that keep me smiling the whole day and felt grateful no words can describe much. :') 
thank you Allah. <3.

my dear, He planned everything perfectly. so don't be insecure, don't worry to much, In Sha Allah He will ease everything you'll never know. just don't forget to keep your dua since that is our strongest weapon and work hard as well. you'll always get my dua :).

because the big picture will only be shown after some time :)

the chronology.

last night we slept together. all because of fear. and at least to keep ourselves safe when we were togeteher. we did invite 2 other friends to accompany us, for at the very least we thought that the more the safer. it was all started with some weird looking man wearing blue and grey hoodie peeked through my housemate windows, and to the worst he did not bother to run eventhough she shouted at him. only after others went downstairs noticing the shout, then only he ran.

so we lived yesterday wrapped in fear and worried. we did came to solutions : all of us need to separate to other houses because staying together in this 'target house' is not the best way to solve this problem. my heart felt heavy for that, but because our safetyness is being jeopardized,  i had no other choices than to agree. then last night we slept together. frankly speaking, i kind of love that kind of thing because as a matter of fact,  i thought it was cute much to sleep together, and sharing beds (only 4 beds for 7 people). although we had to shrink our body to fit in, and not moving much because of the small beds, but i could say i enjoyed it. weird kan?and we watched thriller together too.

actually i couldn't sleep well last night. my body kept tossing left and right, and sleeping in the middle surely quite hard. i'm stucked in between juju and serry. --". i tried my best not to move much, because i'm afraid they might woke up because of me. there were several of times i'm awaked because i heard some sound. maybe it was just my feeling, but to be exact i am actually quite paranoid in this kind of thingys. did u knew that, before, i've called police just because i heard strange sound and something pushing my door? TURN OUT TO BE IT IS MY FATHER. felt i'm gonna die in embarassment when the police came to our house.
--"

and this morning. alhamdullilah. the thief has been captured by the satpam and also the villagers. i was busy playing wedding dash in the room when juju shouted "korang, maling semalam da kene tangkap!". quickly, i came out to see,and my friend confirmed he is the same person whom peek thru the window yesterday. and he is wearing the same hoodie today. frankly, i felt touched looking at the maling, his face was covered with blood. there were blood splattered all over the floor too. both of his hand were tied behind and he looked down, sadly. i heard he kept whispering Allah.. Allah.. when the villagers hit him. one of the man wearing orange, stand proudly beside him, using long stick to move his body, making him looked like a cat or anything i couldn't say, that tears me up. i turned my head, could not afford to see this anymore. not long after that, police came. and carry the villain, put him at the back, made his face shown to others. i stood there in disbelief. i took out my handphone to take some photographs and at the same time the police car drove in front of me, i could see clearly his wounded red face and tears rolling down from his eyes. for the second time, that broke my heart.

knew i shouldn't be some kind of weaklings over this matter but i did pity him. let's just pray he'll be given hidayah by the Almighty, and he'll lead a better life after.

"everybody deserves a second chance" -kevin crawford-

holiday.

it is 12.20 am in my clock.i've just returned from bandung about half an hour before. actually to be exact it is 11.20 pm now. i still haven't change my laptop time.

i went to pvj right after finishing my zuhr prayer with some other friends. we took arnes and reached PVJ one hour and half later. we ate at quali and because i was soooo hungry, and the nasi there was superb, i didn't even bother to talk. and as usual i finished my dishes first. it was yummy though. i ordered nasi tim ayam kungpao. don't even know what 'kungpao' stands for but from the display picturein the menu bar, it looked good, and it did! :). gonna go there some other time, maybe. then we went to jonas photo. those all black and white big frames were so tempting that i went to jonas two times. but the price wasn't that worth it. so i ended up buying a simple-cheap-but-still-cute-to-look-at frame which costed me around 5k each. because the primary aim was to search for dinner gifts, and since we decided to buy frames for the beloved doctors, and the frames weren't enought at PVJ Jonas photo, we went to istana plaza instead. alhamdulillah, we managed to get 19 beautiful frames with affordable cost-saving price for the doctors.

finishing my task, i walk around some more. there was a cute shop upstairs, i can't remember the name but it was full with various frame's backgrounds, all come in different patterns and colours. actually mell is the one who told me about that shop. lovely. i bought one for myself, and some i shared with maya for others, as birthday gifts. i always love to do something with efforts rather than buying  a costly gift. :). maybe because i prefer something that i get with efforts even if it is just a simple paper with some handwriting of du'a,bubly hearts and cute wishes. jiwang kan? then i went to bread talk. bought some delicious muffins and  breads to fill my stomach. and also to one of my dearest friend. she's having exam tomorrow. all the best dear. <3

lastly i stopped and spent the rest of my time at j.co. having some coffee float uno which cost around 31k per cup. it was refreshing but maybe i'll buy something cheaper next time. --". *kedekut* we took a seat beside the window, so that i can see the lively night outside.

and then it was time to say goodbye. we took different angkot several of times. we walked along the fly over *scary* to get to baltos so that we can took arnes and headed home.it was a long way that i kept reciting ayat qursi. the cars were fast and we went thru the same direction as the cars.bahaye kot. luckily i wasn't the one behind. there was one time i crossed the road running when the car drove quite fast from the other side. i swallowed down my saliva realising i could get hurt doing that. they told me so. alhamdullillah i am saved. tq Allah:).

we reached baltos and not a long time after that, the big van that supposed to take us to jatinangor arrived. i choosed a seat beside the window. the whole journey i kept listening to coldplay songs. actually the whole playlists were coldplay songs. i didn't even sleep although i can feel my body all aching up.

that's all.gotta sleep early. tomorrow i'll be going to jakarta with others.

till then. assalamualaikum.

gravity

watching from far. and do nothing.

and reply stupid things. and crying out hard deeply inside.

thinking it back and smiling. like stupid.

and still. stucked here.

can't even move one step ahead.

and when the sky change. and time pass.

the wind blows away .

and nothing left.

will it still be the same?.

coldplay with their beautiful music. and the noob part of me, listening to it in the middle of the night.

to you!: can we share the same taste of music, at the very least? :D

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow".

I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."

-yellow coldplay-

this is funny. LA. sgt.

final exam and the little thought of mine

somebody told me  this one precious thing. i remembered it, still.

if you found someone being irrational and unreasonable to you, and you're getting really mad because you're sure that you wasn't at fault, find excuses for him (or her). because there will one time you're being irrational too, and you'll hope on that very time people will understand you, find excuses for you and will never judge you.

so dear friend,i understood we're in this such rush situation, with the final examination just around the corner, but please don't get emotional and let those things own you. because in the end, like me, you're gonna regret it, on each and every unapproariate things you've done (or say). trust me, i'm well experienced. tsk.

so i really hope that Allah will ease everything. i'm sure He will. and with His blessing's we'll make it to the end. in sha Allah.

i won't give up, even if the skies get rough.

to love something is to learn in letting go. good luck guys.:))

ice.

it is amazing how a simple unrelated things can make me smile.
can calm my burning heart.
ALLAH MAHA KUASA kan?
subhanallah
:').

soon

just like bubbles in the ocean
sometimes too happy of yourself
and sometimes you sit quitely in the corner, without words
beautifully,
beautifully

you're difficult to understand
let them say everything and anything about it
i understand fullly how it should be
just the way it is
beautiful

don't be insecure
cause i couldn't stop time
it'll end sooner
and for the remaining not much time left
let's keep good memories here.

it's ending too soon here in unpad.
and it feels just like yesterday.
still.

I can't remember when it was good
Moments of happiness in bloom
Maybe I just misunderstood
All of the love we left behind
Watching our flash backs intertwine
Memories I will never find
-muse (falling away with you)-

a little something.

i find the need to tell something.

sometimes i cry myself to sleep

i wet my pillow that it left marks the time i woke up

i don't quite use to cry to people, or share with others my problems

yes i am not an open person

i kept too many secrets about myself. that i think it isn't necessary to tell or share with others.

so the next time you see me

i might be smiling and laughing, but last night i might wet my pillow

the time i was in mrsm, i've to share my room with another 3 roomates

so when i faced any problems and suddenly felt like crying

i don't cry in the room. i'm afraid they might see it

and then ask me why, and the fact that i'll cry even louder when being asked such a question

i hate explaining to others why i'm crying because i hate to be looked 'pitiful'.or helpless. or hopeless.

(for i might cry on the simplest thing, i'm afraid to be called as weak)

so what i did was everytime i felt like crying, or huge burden on my shoulder

i went to toilet or shower room and cry so that no one can hear me due to that loud water splashing sound

i can still remeber when they always ask me days back then.
don't you cry? don't you miss your family? are you not homesick?

i always smile without answering. they didn't even know the truth

you can see me being rough

because i hate looking weak

but i am not strong either

i am touched on the simplest thing'

so one day if by any chance you see me cry

don't bother ask me why

because i will heal myself. i'm used to it. He will heal me and take care of the rest

because i don't need symphaty

do me a favour?

don't pity me.

absolute beautiful.

dear Allah

i know the road is long. but make me strong.

i knew i don't get what i want, U gave me what i needed instead:)

U gave me them, i knew this is the strength i need to gain

after all, they are bunch of people U send to me so that learn some lessons

what doesn't kill one only make one stronger right?

ya Allah i pray for calmness and sabr

and happiness and heart full with appreciation
do keep me out from this unhealthy jealousy

and pls grant me healthiness too :)

sometimes it gets so hard for me

probably i see it in wrong point of view

but i never doubt this is the best 

ya Allah my dear Allah

pls content me sabr and purity

pls keep me from my insidious poisonous thinking

i get afraid of myself sometimes.maybe. most of the times.

i may look good and nice outside

but deep inside, i don't even know what kind of monster i am

:')

absolute beautiful. to infinity,

my as if.

as if.
as if i was trying too hard
as if the words are for me
as if i left it all
as if it wasn't a big deal
pretend to careless
it was a big fat lie
i'll continue this lie. until i close properly
burry the remainders;
and blow the ashes
remain in silent.

still giving up or give in is not an option.
never!

ya Allah yang membolak balikkan hati, tetapkan hati ini kukuh teguh di jalanMu.
agar fitrah ini tak menjadi fitnah.
agar hati ini tenang tanpa gundah.

i just want to say alhamdulillah
alhamdulillah.
:')

keep walking.

ya Allah yang membolak balikkan hati, tetapkanlah hatiku di atas jalanMu.

KEEP WALKING.

Every day I get closer to our Meeting.
I feel like I’ve been walking this path for a thousand years
towards You…
and yet I’m still not there.
So close, and yet so far still

But I keep walking,
despite the tears,
despite the wind,
despite the skinned knees and broken bones,
despite the bruises and scars that make this heart what it is today,
I keep walking…
toward You.
There’s only one direction,
one direction:
towards You.
From You, to You.
I have nothing else.
Nothing.
That is my poverty.

I keep walking
because behind every sun’s setting is a rising,
Behind every storm is a Refuge,
Behind every fall is a rise,
Behind every tear is a cleansing of the eyes.
And in every spot you’ve ever been stabbed, is a healing,
and the creation of skin stronger than it was.

I keep walking
because wallahi I have nothing but Your mercy.
I have nothing but Your promise
Your words

-yasmin mogahed-

random 3#.

it had been song long since the last time i played more than words. i already forgot how to pluck that song. thought i want to play it a bit. but yeah, 2mr is going to be the first paper. crp. so i postponed my wills later though my heart tells me not to. pft.

like usual, i am waiting for ishak. instead, don't know how, in the middle of nowhere, she came into my mind. i called her nash. i met her at kmpk. she is always a good friend of mine, she plays futsal (striker, indeed), a bit tomboyish-like, cute and i adore her (in a good way --"). she has this positive-thinking mind, she dreams high. i still can remeber how she told me about her ambitions one night, when i accidentally went to her room. she showed me all the sticky notes with her aims & goals she pasted on the wall. yes. she is one of a kind. she loves history subject too.

lol. suddenly, i'm missing her. we're not that besties, but for some reasons, i do like her a lot. during my birthday, when i was about to go to the class, i was running down the staircase, she saw me and along with her roomies, she sang happy birthday.*touched*. lol.yes. that's me!.  i always remember smallest things in life, that left something big in my heart. :)

thinking of her, i suddenly remembered this song. she used to like it. probably still. 

 

may Allah bless u, nash a.k.a cua.

pst 1 : kate org kalau rindu, panjat doa2 byk. oh rindu family ngn anak buah :').
pst 2 : beautiful rain tgh hari tadi. subhanallah.
pst 3 :my beautiful insignificant. eh. goodbye.
pst 4 : stay positive. even kids know how to do that.
pst 5 : smoga ALLAH permudahkan urusan kawan-kwan ku skalian. heee:). may the best be upon us.

:')

because i have to.
i just have to.
Allah
Allah
Allah.

31 december notes.

assalamaualaikum :). nak tulis dalam bahasa. heee

fireworks. subhanallah. masyaAllah. beautiful. i was in the car just now, just got back from bandara to mulana. and it is 31st december. they're all celebrating 1st january new year, with fireworks and meriam. for me, i don't wish selamat tahun baru, or happy new year, or making new 'azam tahun baru' sort, i always believe everyday is His gift and another chance to improve one's so everyday is a new year, start with a new hope and new beginning :). but still, i do respect ppl whom making things like that, because peoples are different, if that'll help them to become better, why not?

alhamdulillah. to most of newlyweds i met, may Allah blessing's be all along the way. may the new 'mosque' built will be fill with sakinah, mawaddah, and rahmah. in sya Allah. :'). marriage did complete half of each deen's for a couple. selamat menjalani alam rumah tangga la ye my sissy, my senior and others too:).

2012 did teach me a lot. tomorrow i'll be 22, informally. there are too many sweet sour salty bitter memories all along the way, but i believe in each of that pieces of moments, there're something valuable to be learn. masa lalu bukan untuk dikesal dan diratapi lama-lama, tetapi untuk ditoleh sebentar dan diambil pengajaran. because we are human. and we make mistakes.i value and appreciate all my mistakes because it will create a better me. kan? ;).

my journey might still be too far. but at the very least, i'm making my baby steps. sbb Allah tgok usaha compare to result kan? hee. 

some picture-says-it-all notes ;)

"air mata ini menyedarkanku, yang kau takkan pernah jadi milikku.." -noah band  (HUMU)

tumpang pakai inai di wedding sissy.

i bought this yesterday night at mph. ole2 sebelum balik bandung:)

tu je. may Allah bless.